4 Months Down, I'm Still Stuck and Out of Inventions

[SeekingLoveV]

I was wondering if there's a medium here for heart burning matters on love that is totally innocent and it seems that here is the place best (although unsure if it is appropriate).

I'm looking for opinions on the situation I am in. I included some story from my side, and it is a pretty lengthy and raw one. So I really appreciate your interest and time in reading it, and certainly more on your wonderful comments that I hope could help me get out of the love web I'm stuck in.

Here goes:

I know her during the course of study in my university life. The connection is through my NS friend's Orientation Group friend's friend. I didn't actually start to converse with her only after 2 months down the road (I'm quite a introvert person). And it started on last year's November, when somehow, I started to feel something for her.

I am a very cautious person, and I certainly do not allow myself to steep into the web of love until I am pretty sure that the chance are there. But apparently, I was careless with myself then. She looks single, or so I thought. I allow myself to put my heart in the front line. I even thought she may have interest in me, the way she look at me, and I always can't help it but to look at her, and the very sweet goodbyes we had a couple of times. So I started to talk to her, via Facebook (I'm a pretty cowardly person I have to admit).

I enjoyed chatting with her, slowly getting to know more about her. The weird thing is that I am not able to talk to her in person, but only in one lesson where there is just her and myself. But one day, just like it was orchestrated, as I approached her and the group of friends, and they were talking about her boyfriend. I was stumped. I couldn't believe what I heard. I even thought they were joking as they tend to do so.

So eventually I went to ask her casually in a chat one night, asking her if she had ever dated before. And there she gave me the answer, "yes, I have a boyfriend.". I was perfectly okay hearing that at first. But strange enough, the next morning, I woke up with an aching heart. It's like my heart is the Titanic sinking. This should be where I should quickly pick up my heart from the front line. But I suppose it was too late - I have steep too deep.


And through the course of knowing her being attached and till now, I have tried countless methods and approach. I have tried:

-initially to forget her, which was the most viable option. I just started to like her, and she is an unsuitable candidate. So forgetting her should be easy. But the result was horrible. I can't help but to keep on thinking about her. I am always helplessly looking at the facebook chat, staring at her name wanting to chat up with her. I was always wondering into her profile, looking at her pictures. It's totally degrading, turning myself into some sort of stalker.

-Becoming close friends, since forgetting her is impossible as it seems. So I took an approach to get close to her and her good friend. I joined twitter so as to be able to follow her and know what she's thinking. I constantly asked them if they would like to study, till a point that I think I'm pestering them. I even accompanied her on two days, one day waiting for her friend, and the other waiting for her parents. I have to comment that those are the best days I have with her. But I'm not sure if she sense anything, but it's like I crossed some line, and she started to "avoid" me. That made me felt horrible. She decline all my study invitation. It then became my worst period of time, and I wanted to cry so bad but I couldn't.

-forgetting her again, with the help of things I dislike and hate about her. At this stage, our friendship has kind of downgraded to acquaintances. I started to hate her for how she always ignored my message, or replied like a day later. How she asked me about something, and after answering, I pop in a casual question and got ignored. And it was sort of working, I was feeling more and more neutral. I started to not pay too much attention to her in lectures. Although I still comment on stuff she tweet (which is bad I think). But what's strange is that for a week, out of the sudden, she started commenting on stuff I tweet, and that's something she never does. Initially I was what the hell are you commenting my stuff out of the blue. But day by day, the feeling came back hard and my heart went berserk.

-go weird on her. I made myself look weak and weird as I confronted her one day on why she kept ignoring my messages. And I seriously thought that did the trick. She didn't talk (inclusive of commenting) to me for like a week. And without her talking to me, all I have to do is to deal with my emotions and not have her stirred it up again.


But it is really as though I'm ill-fated and have to be played around by "love", she messaged me last night, looking for people to take an exam paper today. I rejected straight, since she had managed to find another friend we both knew. I really fear of seeing her again and I will be like going crazy and emotional all the way again. I even hoped that I wouldn't bump onto her, which we have not bump onto each other surprisingly for 3 days already. And so I was in the lecture theater, and nope she wasn't there. So by right I will not be seeing her. But out of the blue, she walked in the lecture theater and left because it was full. What are the odds?!

And so after back at home, I was all emotional again. It was really nice to see her again after weeks I have to admit. But I am really running out of inventions to get over her, and it seems like today have proved that forgetting her is not possible. I'm always on the edge, and with a breeze, I will be all emotional over her. I'm seriously afraid that I will never be able to ditch the love I have for her. I even think that I can't find a replacement for her. This is the first time I'm really love someone that much.

Quoting from Notebook of Love in twitter, "Don't let yourself stay in a position where you don't know where you stand in someone's life.", the worst thing when you love someone is you do not know what the other person is thinking, and what they think about you. I have never ever consider confessing unless the world is ending or I'm dying. I just prefer to suffer my own then disturb the peace of others.

But now, I have tried so many things, I do not know what other actions I can take. It will be great to hear from fellow SGClubbers on your insight in love, your experience and your opinion to my possible course of action.

[sinner1234]

Dear bro seekinglovev,

You are supposed to be having exams yet u get entangled in this shitty one way traffice web..... "kok" your head.

Imho,
Firstly, such things are no no to me as she is attached. Although some may say better man wins.

Secondly..... This is a one way puppy love infatuation on your part leh. In no way did she seem interested in you or sligthest hint of getting to noe you better...... You are on no favourable ground to pursue this never been there cause to me.

Finally,
time will heal all wounds. Try to do activites to keep your mind off occupied...... Tht simi fb or twitter.... Acc..... You passed to me? I change yr pw so tht u cannot log in...... After 1mth i return ya... ;p

Nothng much will work out if you want to pursue this....... It will make u do more craazy suffs like real stalking.........

You may hv prob controlling yr mind on such matters thus tiring your mind out with other stuffs should be the best quick fix.

Anywy... All the best in yr exams.... And do not progress any further to the dark side. ;p

[Absolute]

She is definitely your first love.

You may eventually grow out of this after falling in love for a few more times.

When a girl loves you, you will feel it. If you have to keep guessing, then she is most probably treating you as a friend at a platonic level.

Take care.

[SeekingLoveV]

Thanks bro, sinner1234 and Absolute.

I can see myself in a one way puppy love as you guys stated, just really hoping that my heart can stop thinking of her I fine day.

Really heart warming to have nice replies=)

[alan0338]

wa lao eh, u have guts to sian sweetbree then u no guts to sian the gal who u like meh??

just cheong la, even if fail also wont tai tao ( chop off ur head ) ma... no failure wont bring success in the future ....

[SeekingLoveV]

Well said bro alan. Sweetbree was an honest mistake due to my poor linguistic skill in that area, that I have to admit. But I'm dealing with a friend right here and there will be repercussion...

Maybe I should, if more people think I should.

[LoveAffair]

nice one u got there.

Originally Posted by alan0338

wa lao eh, u have guts to sian sweetbree then u no guts to sian the gal who u like meh??

just cheong la, even if fail also wont tai tao ( chop off ur head ) ma... no failure wont bring success in the future ....

[frivolous_ami]

Point is, you may think like about her today. But, some months later, it will be another gal. Or it may some years later. Man is inherently frivolous and undecided. Love is always something correct only at that point in time.

I used to fancy this gal who was 2 yrs my senior. Not say very pretty but she is like the gal next door. Very sweet demure and pleasant. Thought of asking her out but failed miserably after she ignored my sms invite. What to do. Some months later, it was another gal. Few months later, its the same cycle. No end one. You think good now, but it will be different later. Quite normal once you get used to it.

[Gaofar]

Bro SLV,

Can I check how old are you? 20-22yo? And for all those events that you narrate to us earlier on, those took place over a span of how long? A year I reckon?

I really hate to see young kids wasting over their hard-earned studies over some silly relationship that they just can't get over it.. (Can't help it as previously I was in foreign students hostel management line..)

My dear bro, you had a great start in your life that you should cherish! Not that many people can get the luxury of studying in the university and get a degree (please don't start with me saying there are millions of graduates produced in China every year, caused if compare to the population ratio that is still like a drop in a bucket of water..)!

I am not going to go through every one of your methodology to deduce if you are right or wrong, cause there are a thousand and one ways to deal with it and you just had to find one that suits you. My point here is, irregardless of whether if you had mistakenly loved someone that you shouldn't and you had a hard time to get over her, sometimes it's just a matter of which direction you are facing in dealing with the problem.

Now every single solution that you came out is all about how to get over her, now why can't you just think of the "other" direction? Think about who raised you through to university and probably still currently are? Think about what is the main thing that you came to the university in the first place? Sometimes you just need reasons (or excuses, depends on how you view it..) to motivate yourself to push towards to the "correct" path.. So you got on one hand is degree and the other hand is "cha-bo" and you decided on???... Think about it ok?

My god.. Don't you ever felt "infatuation" when you are in secondary school or JC? That "mountain-tortise" meh?.. Sigh.....

[Gaofar]

Originally Posted by SeekingLoveV

I can see myself in a one way puppy love as you guys stated, just really hoping that my heart can stop thinking of her I fine day.

You hope??! Hey! Wake up your bloody mind! Just ask yourself who is really in control??!! Your head or your heart??! Eh, like that you will go down faster than a Transformer roller-coaster ride you know?!! Sheesh!!! Know why I am so mad?? It's because usually those poor souls who jump from high floors are those who are weak in the head and let their aching hearts take over!!

[Apocalypse]

Originally Posted by SeekingLoveV

November, when somehow, I started to feel something for her.
why?

I am a very cautious person, and I certainly do not allow myself to steep into the web of love until I am pretty sure that the chance are there.
The chance is 1 or 0

But apparently, I was careless with myself then. She looks single, or so I thought. I allow myself to put my heart in the front line.
No difference if attached or etc. gahmen say single means single. anyone not happy, can look for pap

I even thought she may have interest in me, the way she look at me, and I always can't help it but to look at her, and the very sweet goodbyes we had a couple of times. So I started to talk to her, via Facebook (I'm a pretty cowardly person I have to admit). You think too much

I was perfectly okay hearing that at first. But strange enough, the next morning, I woke up with an aching heart. It's like my heart is the Titanic sinking. This should be where I should quickly pick up my heart from the front line. But I suppose it was too late - I have steep too deep. you sound psychotic

And through the course of knowing her being attached and till now, I have tried countless methods and approach. I have tried:

She probably think u r some psycho high on drugs, 1 day weird, 1 day hot , 1 day cold

And so after back at home, I was all emotional again. It was really nice to see her again after weeks I have to admit. But I am really running out of inventions to get over her, and it seems like today have proved that forgetting her is not possible.

You try inventing a time machine yet?

Quoting from Notebook of Love in twitter, "Don't let yourself stay in a position where you don't know where you stand in someone's life.", gd luck with your book. I read Ghenis Khan warfare of love

It will be great to hear from fellow SGClubbers on your insight in love, your experience and your opinion to my possible course of action.

you write alot of crap.

this not sgclub or hwz.

decision making starts from what do you want?

1. Make her your gf and fuck her?

2. Make yourself forget her completely?

If you want to forget her, then just send her a sms saying that everyday I'm acting weird is because I am horny, and I am a virgin, and I imagine fucking u in every possible way on and off campus. There is a higher possibility she will avoid you, so you will avoid her eventually.

How to make her your gf and fuck her, from the great Ghenis Khan is alot of psychological warfare that render your enemies speechless except to say, Khan...thank you, every time you walk past them. Too lengthy to explain here all the strategies that made Khan effective.

[Gaofar]

Hahaha, "Gan" or Khan?

[ObjCoder]

Bro SLV,

SNAP OUT OF IT!!

Now that I got your attention... I'm sorry but you got to get out of this trance-like behaviour or you'll soon wake up everyday feeling like a zombie. 4 months is a long time.

>>"I am a very cautious person, and I certainly do not allow myself to steep into the web of love until I am pretty sure that the chance are there".
Does that mean you are risk adverse as well? I can also guess (maybe wrongly) that you used to love freely, but was screwed badly by your previous love experiences and now you are "too cautious". Then later you'll become a cold and hardened lover who is always subconsciously protecting yourself and never love fully.

>>"initially to forget her, which was the most viable option."
Don't force yourself to forget. Instead remember that you had experienced a minor heartache and come out of it better. Almost 15 years on, I still cannot forget my 1st/ex-girlfriend's home tel num. But it doesn't bother me anymore.

>> "Becoming close friends, since forgetting her is impossible as it seems."
You want to forget her/keep her a distance, then you want to get close to her Make up your mind. Just keep the distance. Don't fall into a trap of thinking but she's a good friend to lose. If you can't treat her like a platonic friend and can't go steady with her, just retreat.

>> "So I took an approach to get close to her and her good friend. I joined twitter..."
And if she had a blog, you would hit refresh on your browser every 8 secs. Unsubscribe her on twitter and fb updates.

>> "forgetting her again, with the help of things I dislike and hate about her"
Being bitter doesn't help anything.

>> "go weird on her. I made myself look weak"
You know you are weak.... but don't act stupid. You don't want your faculty mates to see you as a psycho, do you?"

>> "she messaged me last night, looking for people to take an exam paper today."
She's bored and manipulative. Ok, what do I know about her? Don't tell me she's naive and don't know how you feel?

>> "But out of the blue, she walked in the lecture theater and left because it was full. What are the odds?!"
What are the odds that you and I have met before? Too much thinking and philosophy isn't always good.

>> "I'm seriously afraid that I will never be able to ditch the love I have for her. I even think that I can't find a replacement for her."
Trust me, when another suitable one comes along and you end up with her, you'll not be so bothered by the previous one. But if you to treat another girl as a "replacement", you just end up sad.

>> "This is the first time I'm really love someone that much."
Love? I know your dick isn't itchy but sigh... that's just a bit of puppy love + heart itchy + backside itchy.

[ObjCoder]

And which year are you in now? If 1st year student, quickly get over it because you don't want spend the remaining campus life blind to other flowers in school

If you are final yr, don't get depressed over this and f-up your grades and FYP over this. Really not worth it. Rem you/someone paid good $$ for the school fees.

If my criticism doesn't help at all, go talk to a good friend about this... easier to move on. If not comfortable, pen your feelings down in a cheap notebook. And if really doesn't help, talk to a campus counsellor - it's anonymous and free.

Best to you.

[FarAway]

Originally Posted by Gaofar

You hope??! Hey! Wake up your bloody mind! Just ask yourself who is really in control??!! Your head or your heart??! Eh, like that you will go down faster than a Transformer roller-coaster ride you know?!! Sheesh!!! Know why I am so mad?? It's because usually those poor souls who jump from high floors are those who are weak in the head and let their aching hearts take over!!

Very harsh words.. but damn right! One way puppy? Come on la bro, since she's attached don't bother liao, move on.. a better one may be just around the corner just that you are just so blinded to notice right now. This is a crush, not love k.. you don't know her well enough. Think with your big head now, and get busy with your studies or what have you. You will find your direction.