Mid Life Thoughts - Please comment

[NaughtyTeacher]

Edited to fill in a bit more detail on the 2 gf!

Hi everyone. This kind of thing no one to discuss with. So hope the bros and sis here can just comment your two bits worth.

Here is some info on myself. Keeping somethings general to remain anonymous.

Profile: Married for more than a decade with children

Looks: Tall, but Dad Bod. I have been told I am good looking, and that I look in my 30s. When I dress up formally (at work) I know I do stun some of the ladies at work.

Financially: Stable. Good salary. Good side gigs

Situation at home: I am sure many bros here are the same. Wife is no longer interested in intimacy.

Situation outside: I have had two gfs over the past 5 yrs. They do not know about each other. Individually, each of them connected very well to me and me to them. Both needed me in some way, and I am always there for them. That was how feelings developed and turned intimate and how intimacy turned into a very deep emotional and physical connection with both. Both are married with kids.

The sex is awesome. I like to give a lot in a sexual relationship. Could give oral and tease the lady till they are bursting with desire before fucking them till heaven come. We often take leave to have staycations and fuck each other brains out. Or sneak out for dangerous public quickie sex in the car in secluded or even crowded car parks!
We also had a lot of toys to spice up every thing. Cock rings with vibrating bullets. and their favourite toys too.

Both came to an end at the same time. Since I am married and wont leave my family, they felt it wasn't going anywhere.

I feel very emotionally lonely. Going to FLs solves the sexual urge but my relationship with both of them are more than just about the sex. Its a connection I have never felt with anyone else my whole life.

I am not sure what to do now. It has been a few months but thoughts of either of them keep crossing my mind. I dont know if I should

(a) try to find someone else (but im not sure where to find. I even tried Sugarbook but got conned a lot)

(b) keep trying with them (very depressing to keep getting rejected)

(c) forget all these, focus on family and making money and be rich enough to go FL 2 - 3 times a week and just don't care so much about the emotions and connections.

I would like to hear your thoughts. If possible, do let me know if you are a guy or lady in your comments.

Thanks.
Someone who really needs someone.

[Fornikate]

Go C bro.

I'm a guy.

[tritonyeah666]

continue with (b), as it seems your emotions with them are deeper than just a simple FB rship.

[MisterBig]

Why not go (a) and (b) at the same time?

For (a), You just need to get yourself out there in various social settings.

For (b), really don't know about them. Some leave and will never come back. For these, you just have to let them go. But I do have 2 who kept saying they want to end, but never really did... just need to keep engaging them. Take a step back if you have to. Just don't be too needy.

[Fornikate]

Or go D.

Throw caution to the wind. Seek happiness. Even if you fail, at least you tried. It's a mid life crisis bro. One chance is all you'll get....

It's either that or suck it up and accept that A to C are all lousy choices that will make nobody happy.

My two cents.

[Durategra]

I’d go with C and also maybe pick up a hobby or sport to fill in empty pockets of time. In the process you just may find another side flick. But priority would be still home.

[Masquerader93]

I’d go with (a) if I were you - but with maybe a better screening process. At least the girls there know what they’re getting into and relationships can be formed with time. Might be tedious to find the right one but same as any relationship right?

(b) sounds like a terrible idea. If you guys had a relationship then this would essentially be a breakup - not just for you but for them too. Doubt they’ll be having an easy time getting over a 5year relationship as well. And honestly, it comes off as pretty selfish seeing as the reason they left was because you can’t give them what they want. Nothing would change even if you did get them back? Not unless your relationship with them was enough for you to get a divorce? Plus, when you break up a second time it will be on bad terms and there’s I nothing off limits for a spiteful person

(c) works too, but not sure what you mean by focus on family? From how you’ve phrased it, sounds like you would consider that a pretty sad life? If so, makes me wonder why are you actually staying married… Anyway I do also think that when you feel “empty” inside, visiting FLs just makes it worse

Or you know, treat it as you would any break up and find activities to take your mind off it. You can’t really “replace” relationships and this shitty feeling of loss is just something you’ll just have to suck up and wait for time to heal

[NaughtyTeacher]

Wow wow.. amazing. I wasnt expecting so many replies. Let me reply each

[NaughtyTeacher]

Go C bro.

I'm a guy.

Thank you brother... the saddest part of this is

1. emotionally still empty.

2. sometimes FL kanna bait and switch. knn..waste time and money.

[NaughtyTeacher]

Why not go (a) and (b) at the same time?

For (a), You just need to get yourself out there in various social settings.

For (b), really don't know about them. Some leave and will never come back. For these, you just have to let them go. But I do have 2 who kept saying they want to end, but never really did... just need to keep engaging them. Take a step back if you have to. Just don't be too needy.

continue with (b), as it seems your emotions with them are deeper than just a simple FB rship.

Thanks thanks. (a) not easy also. Later get recognised by mutual friends or what. As a working parent, our schedule really packed. Hard to have settings to meet new pple.

(b) I like what both of you said about B. Yes. It is a lot more. Most of the time, being there to help them with their stuff is satisfying for me already. Intimacy is just how i connect with pple im really into.

[NaughtyTeacher]

Or go D.

Throw caution to the wind. Seek happiness. Even if you fail, at least you tried. It's a mid life crisis bro. One chance is all you'll get....

It's either that or suck it up and accept that A to C are all lousy choices that will make nobody happy.

My two cents.


I assume this means to leave my current marriage and try to find a new one?

With children not easy to make this decision. but thanks for your opinion. I see my friends with Viet or PRC gfs and wives, sometimes a bit envy.

[NaughtyTeacher]

I’d go with C and also maybe pick up a hobby or sport to fill in empty pockets of time. In the process you just may find another side flick. But priority would be still home.

Yeah. thanks for understanding home priority thingy.

One of the gf, i get to meet everyday, so connection was very strong. now no more.

[NaughtyTeacher]

I’d go with (a) if I were you - but with maybe a better screening process. At least the girls there know what they’re getting into and relationships can be formed with time. Might be tedious to find the right one but same as any relationship right?

(b) sounds like a terrible idea. If you guys had a relationship then this would essentially be a breakup - not just for you but for them too. Doubt they’ll be having an easy time getting over a 5year relationship as well. And honestly, it comes off as pretty selfish seeing as the reason they left was because you can’t give them what they want. Nothing would change even if you did get them back? Not unless your relationship with them was enough for you to get a divorce? Plus, when you break up a second time it will be on bad terms and there’s I nothing off limits for a spiteful person

(c) works too, but not sure what you mean by focus on family? From how you’ve phrased it, sounds like you would consider that a pretty sad life? If so, makes me wonder why are you actually staying married… Anyway I do also think that when you feel “empty” inside, visiting FLs just makes it worse

Or you know, treat it as you would any break up and find activities to take your mind off it. You can’t really “replace” relationships and this shitty feeling of loss is just something you’ll just have to suck up and wait for time to heal

Dunno how to screen them... some just keep wanting a lot of money then block you. some even catfish... say young 30, meet that time is like almost 50 liao. .can be my sugar mummy liao. knn.

Totally agree with your take on point B. got big trouble nearly happened.

For (c) means to treat the past 5 years as a fairy tale chapter in my life and get back on with my normal story again.
Yeah. visit FL only gets the Edge off... emotionally feels worst. true. haiz

[crood]

A) only want $$ , however not easy to meet on each other’s expectations, u could be only 1 of their choices or they lack of chemistry , unable to click etc

B) let them go bah … if a woman decide to leave, means they really want to leave.

If they are not getting good deal out of a relationship other than sex , there’s no reason for them to stay. Honestly no woman will like to be a side chick.

Moral issues aside, which woman will like fo “share”, who won’t want to be the main attention?

C) since you can’t leave the kids , just focus on them. Quite tiring to maintain so many relationships too.
Given a choice , I will choose to focus on my family and strengthen the love only with my spouse. The days of fun were over.

[surecatch]

Post here (in this forum I mean) and look for a sugar baby...
Sure can find.

If not just go C while scrolling dating apps and find FWB...

[justwanadoit]

I also have 2 gfs- my left hand and my right hand, my connection to them is also same like TS, they meant more to me than sex

[junior_cannibal]

Let me assume your wife is Singaporean. Most Singapore women are similar, especially those who are married, have kids and have their own career. They will not feel they need to satisfy their husbands' sexual needs, unless they also have strong urge themselves. They will tell you they are already so tired from their work, family and kids.
However, if they ever find out the husbands are having affairs, be it pure sex or one that has emotional attachment, they will likely flare up, thinking you have cheated on them. Not many will forgive and feel they are partly responsible.
As for the ladies outside, the single or divorced ones may want more than just sex, money and some emotion. If they like their men do much, will wish they can have them to themselves. When eventually knowing that won't happen, they may leave.
It's not easy to the men too, need to have two 'faces'. A goody husband and an interesting bf.
Being human, when the gf decides to quit, its hard to let go if there were strong emotional attachment. In most cases, the man could be always have argument with wife at home while always blissful with the gf. However, be mindful, living with someone is never the same as seeing someone. If the roles switch, quarrel be also be common with the gf who's now the wife.
With the above, I just want to say,
1 seeking another gf is not something you can do deliberately. If there's such a person, when she comes along, very likely it will happen again. Just be mindful, similar ending might cause some heartache again
2 try speaking to your wife about your needs. Or try to create some romance to see if that will make any difference
3 finding FL for someone that needs to have some emotion can be dangerous. If you fall for one FL who's a gold digger. Good luck. I have a friend who practises not seeing the same FL twice. Even that might not work, if you chance upon one that's super GFE. Since you can get conned in Sugarbook.

[junior_cannibal]

I also have 2 gfs- my left hand and my right hand, my connection to them is also same like TS, they meant more to me than sex

You are not alone.
Even if the wife or gf were to know, also can't kao bei much if they are offering their pussies.
Besides, that's the most convenient affairs. Just need some time, privacy and good AV.

[junior_cannibal]

I assume this means to leave my current marriage and try to find a new one?

With children not easy to make this decision. but thanks for your opinion. I see my friends with Viet or PRC gfs and wives, sometimes a bit envy.

Marrying someone with different culture is not that straight forward. Marriage is not just about two people but two families.
Every family has its own set of problems. Need not be envious.

[Durategra]

Yeah. thanks for understanding home priority thingy.

One of the gf, i get to meet everyday, so connection was very strong. now no more.

Hmm with all outside of home activities, time is taken away from home. Time management is extremely crucial. Even though it’s fizzled out with your wife, your kids are still in the picture. 10-20 years down the road, you don’t wanna end up regretting whatever decisions you make now.
The easiest fix is going for paid transactions.
I know exactly how you feel about the kind of emotions and overall feeling you experience when you have a gf or 2 outside. It’s more than words can say, the whole physical coupled with emotional experience is something that can never be replaced with a commercial transaction.
A regular FL may be a “solution”. Someone you can establish decent chemistry with yet, it’ll remain still transactional. You don’t feel these feeling hanging over your head like you are now. Just my 2 cents worth..

[Durategra]

I assume this means to leave my current marriage and try to find a new one?

With children not easy to make this decision. but thanks for your opinion. I see my friends with Viet or PRC gfs and wives, sometimes a bit envy.

The grass will always seem greener on the other side. You never know what issues they face. Many times, the guy is the sole provider for the family and the spouse tends to keep quiet about the husbands indiscretions.. but for all you know, there could be alot of undercurrent, which may, in time, boil over and things turn absolutely shitty.

[YELLOW]

Let the game come to u lah dont force . The more u seek the more it alludes u ...... work hard , save up , be a nice person .... play responsibly ... the zhar bor will come/cum one 😏

[fnulnu99]

We tend to take things for granted.

Have a good wife and young children but have to eat outside because at home not served with breakfast on bed.

When we eat outside, we tend to think it will last forever, but the other party wants something more permanent, so, good arrangement comes to an end but we still miss that someone...

I have been in your shoes, except I don't have children but I love my wife and would never entertain ending the marriage.

The only way I resolve my problem when I eat outside is to find girls that have a big age gap with me. This way, they know the arrangement is going to be temporary.

How to marry a girl in her early 20s when the guy is in his 50s? This will cause many people to talk...but in the western world, this is pretty acceptable. But such marriage will also not last easily....Simply not practical in my mind.

So, it's only for the money (school fund, shopping money etc) and for the fun in the bedroom and nothing more.

I still get to connect with them emotionally, treat them like friends, maybe even like daughters (when age gap is above 20+)

If you look into the future, 20 or 30 years down the road that you and your wife is able to interact like a friend, can talk everyday on common happy topics, then the marriage is worth keeping.

Else, you know it's never too late to end one and start something new.



Profile: Married for more than a decade with children

Situation at home: I am sure many bros here are the same. Wife is no longer interested in intimacy.

Both came to an end at the same time. Since I am married and wont leave my family, they felt it wasn't going anywhere.

I feel very emotionally lonely. Going to FLs solves the sexual urge but my relationship with both of them are more than just about the sex. Its a connection I have never felt with anyone else my whole life.

(a) try to find someone else (but im not sure where to find. I even tried Sugarbook but got conned a lot)

(b) keep trying with them (very depressing to keep getting rejected)

(c) forget all these, focus on family and making money and be rich enough to go FL 2 - 3 times a week and just don't care so much about the emotions and connections.

[Xgenre]

I am surprised your wife doesn't know or suspect. Having 2 gfs will give out a bigger signal you have someone else. Plus chances of being seen outside, by her family,friends and colleagues over 5 years with 2 gfs, are very high.

The consequences after being caught will be heavy. Women's Charter is no joke. Probably C is safer

[donut88]

I'm in your shoes and even more.

I looked young and energetic too.

Currently also 2 gfs outside. And had a string of them in the past. One come one go over the years

The thing is that find a gal who's not looking for marriage with you. She is probably in the same shoes as you. No sex or bad sex at home and looking out for man to satisfy. She goes home guai guai to the family.

With this type of gal, it's the best arrangement u can get.

Dont look for single gal. Single gals are very selfish and will need alot of attention. They will most likely want u for herself. And that's where problem starts.

All marriages have issues.

[thisisme]

I have taken (C).
Learn trading and spend most of my time watching candles.
When bored, find a spa and finish with HJ. Once a while will find a FL for sex.
I’ve found out that I’m much more in love with candles now.

Used to have few FB, but need to spend time with them.
Now able to spend more time with family, and things are much better than before.

[norknork]

Got for (C) but at the same time, you will feel very very empty after a while. It not just that we guys crave sex but its also the affirmation that you are good and desirable. Thats why you also felt happinness with your 2 gfs. Ultimately like all the other bros have said, marriage is a totally different thing and if you and your wife are communicating well.....I will actually recommend seeing a therapist together.

Have you actually talked to your wife about the lack of intimacy? I have tried and my wife (of almost 10 years, no kids) is apologetic but things are not getting better. I myself sometimes wanna head out to have fun (at most hj tbh) but I can't even bear to coz I know how shitty it feels if she knows. Even if she doesnt know, my guilt remains and I do not like that.

So best is to ask yourself, if you want this family and marriage, then talk it out and if needed, see a therapist. There are couple sessions so you can really pour it all out. The way I see it, if your wife loves you and understand where you are coming from, she will work with you on this too.

[StupidCharsiew]

From what I read it seems the only reason you're eating outside is because your wife doesn't want to have sex. If your wife also eat outside will you be okay or just forget it since you're also doing the same?

Anyway, if it's I will choose C since it doesn't involve any emotions and won't trouble your marriage. . Tbh, this is one of the reason why I don't plan to get married. Sekali my wife don't want to have sex then I need to eat outside. At least if I'm single I don't need to think so much.

[MisterBig]

Thanks thanks. (a) not easy also. Later get recognised by mutual friends or what. As a working parent, our schedule really packed. Hard to have settings to meet new pple.

(b) I like what both of you said about B. Yes. It is a lot more. Most of the time, being there to help them with their stuff is satisfying for me already. Intimacy is just how i connect with pple im really into.

For (a), what I meant was to be more active in other social settings, like interest groups, sports, events, etc. Basically, to meet people. I'm a working parent too... but I do have a personal life outside work and family.

But you need to have genuine interest in these events first... and not with the sole purpose to hunt. For example, I attended a 2-day course this year and met a lady, ended up inviting me to her place cos of the same interest. So you'll never know where you'll meet someone... but the point is to put yourself out there.

For (b), some things when broken, can never be mend back. Best course of action is to move on.

I agree with some comments here... I avoid single ladies now cos it's difficult and probably wrong because we are wasting their time/youth in finding a life partner.

[naan1974]

i have been thru GFs, FB, KTV gals, WL etc
The above is listed by the magnitude in terms of
responsibilities, bothersome, monetary aspect.
When i was young, energetic and needed to fulfil
my self esteem ego to concur, i had multiple GFs
and FB concurrently then.
At this stage of my life, i am now only into WL.
transactional is by far the best option now that i
have no emotional needs to fulfil. With WL, KTV gals,
you can love talk them all you want and nothing will come
back and haunt you. You can even keep them as an unofficial mistress
on short term basis and need not worry she will knock on your door.
i call it an "affair" with no loose end.

[idreamyou]

I feel you bro, but I have no kids, I'm currently kinda in your (C) situation. I got into marriage life very early, but I'm currently force on early retirement.. our recent Maldives trip .. the view the experience makes me want to travel the world

[NaughtyTeacher]

A) only want $$ , however not easy to meet on each other’s expectations, u could be only 1 of their choices or they lack of chemistry , unable to click etc

B) let them go bah … if a woman decide to leave, means they really want to leave.

If they are not getting good deal out of a relationship other than sex , there’s no reason for them to stay. Honestly no woman will like to be a side chick.

Moral issues aside, which woman will like fo “share”, who won’t want to be the main attention?

C) since you can’t leave the kids , just focus on them. Quite tiring to maintain so many relationships too.
Given a choice , I will choose to focus on my family and strengthen the love only with my spouse. The days of fun were over.

Thank you bro. I believe this is the right choice too. But I just feel so cheated of this marriage.

I can't share more details otherwise pple might be able to guess who I am.

[NaughtyTeacher]

Post here (in this forum I mean) and look for a sugar baby...
Sure can find.

If not just go C while scrolling dating apps and find FWB...

Is it? I only have one friend who is successful in finding a realistic one, and have been "together" for more than a year.

Those that I met on Sugarbook only wanted a lot of money. OR maybe they wanted a range I couldn't afford. Maybe like another bro said, have to screen more and try harder.

One I met, wanted $8K a month.

Another was very sweet and gentle and charming... she said she needed help and we met up twice. Showed me emails about some incident. I passed her money, she was so happy and everything and we made next arrangements. Next thing ghosted me and blocked me.

[NaughtyTeacher]

Let me assume your wife is Singaporean. Most Singapore women are similar, especially those who are married, have kids and have their own career. They will not feel they need to satisfy their husbands' sexual needs, unless they also have strong urge themselves. They will tell you they are already so tired from their work, family and kids.
However, if they ever find out the husbands are having affairs, be it pure sex or one that has emotional attachment, they will likely flare up, thinking you have cheated on them. Not many will forgive and feel they are partly responsible.
As for the ladies outside, the single or divorced ones may want more than just sex, money and some emotion. If they like their men do much, will wish they can have them to themselves. When eventually knowing that won't happen, they may leave.
It's not easy to the men too, need to have two 'faces'. A goody husband and an interesting bf.
Being human, when the gf decides to quit, its hard to let go if there were strong emotional attachment. In most cases, the man could be always have argument with wife at home while always blissful with the gf. However, be mindful, living with someone is never the same as seeing someone. If the roles switch, quarrel be also be common with the gf who's now the wife.
With the above, I just want to say,
1 seeking another gf is not something you can do deliberately. If there's such a person, when she comes along, very likely it will happen again. Just be mindful, similar ending might cause some heartache again
2 try speaking to your wife about your needs. Or try to create some romance to see if that will make any difference
3 finding FL for someone that needs to have some emotion can be dangerous. If you fall for one FL who's a gold digger. Good luck. I have a friend who practises not seeing the same FL twice. Even that might not work, if you chance upon one that's super GFE. Since you can get conned in Sugarbook.

Thank you bro for the wise words. Will add your opinions into my reflection moments.

[NaughtyTeacher]

Hmm with all outside of home activities, time is taken away from home. Time management is extremely crucial. Even though it’s fizzled out with your wife, your kids are still in the picture. 10-20 years down the road, you don’t wanna end up regretting whatever decisions you make now.
The easiest fix is going for paid transactions.
I know exactly how you feel about the kind of emotions and overall feeling you experience when you have a gf or 2 outside. It’s more than words can say, the whole physical coupled with emotional experience is something that can never be replaced with a commercial transaction.
A regular FL may be a “solution”. Someone you can establish decent chemistry with yet, it’ll remain still transactional. You don’t feel these feeling hanging over your head like you are now. Just my 2 cents worth..

Wow, i never saw it that way before. Like a regular FL. Usually i find FL from OKT. How to find one regular one? Exchange numbers if i see someone I like ah?

[NaughtyTeacher]

The grass will always seem greener on the other side. You never know what issues they face. Many times, the guy is the sole provider for the family and the spouse tends to keep quiet about the husbands indiscretions.. but for all you know, there could be alot of undercurrent, which may, in time, boil over and things turn absolutely shitty.

That's what gf say too. Forgot to mention that both gf were married with kids too.

[NaughtyTeacher]

Let the game come to u lah dont force . The more u seek the more it alludes u ...... work hard , save up , be a nice person .... play responsibly ... the zhar bor will come/cum one 😏

Thank you bro. Sometimes feel very empty and lonely la. :(

[NaughtyTeacher]

We tend to take things for granted.

Have a good wife and young children but have to eat outside because at home not served with breakfast on bed.

When we eat outside, we tend to think it will last forever, but the other party wants something more permanent, so, good arrangement comes to an end but we still miss that someone...

I have been in your shoes, except I don't have children but I love my wife and would never entertain ending the marriage.

The only way I resolve my problem when I eat outside is to find girls that have a big age gap with me. This way, they know the arrangement is going to be temporary.

How to marry a girl in her early 20s when the guy is in his 50s? This will cause many people to talk...but in the western world, this is pretty acceptable. But such marriage will also not last easily....Simply not practical in my mind.

So, it's only for the money (school fund, shopping money etc) and for the fun in the bedroom and nothing more.

I still get to connect with them emotionally, treat them like friends, maybe even like daughters (when age gap is above 20+)

If you look into the future, 20 or 30 years down the road that you and your wife is able to interact like a friend, can talk everyday on common happy topics, then the marriage is worth keeping.

Else, you know it's never too late to end one and start something new.


Bro... where do you find them huh. Sincere question. And also within reasonable price range. Some I met want like $8K a month. Meet once a week. :confused::confused:

[NaughtyTeacher]

I am surprised your wife doesn't know or suspect. Having 2 gfs will give out a bigger signal you have someone else. Plus chances of being seen outside, by her family,friends and colleagues over 5 years with 2 gfs, are very high.

The consequences after being caught will be heavy. Women's Charter is no joke. Probably C is safer


True true. playing with fire for the past 5 years. heng never get burnt

[NaughtyTeacher]

I'm in your shoes and even more.

I looked young and energetic too.

Currently also 2 gfs outside. And had a string of them in the past. One come one go over the years

The thing is that find a gal who's not looking for marriage with you. She is probably in the same shoes as you. No sex or bad sex at home and looking out for man to satisfy. She goes home guai guai to the family.

With this type of gal, it's the best arrangement u can get.

Dont look for single gal. Single gals are very selfish and will need alot of attention. They will most likely want u for herself. And that's where problem starts.

All marriages have issues.

Yes. I forgot to add. Both are married with kids.

[NaughtyTeacher]

I have taken (C).
Learn trading and spend most of my time watching candles.
When bored, find a spa and finish with HJ. Once a while will find a FL for sex.
I’ve found out that I’m much more in love with candles now.

Used to have few FB, but need to spend time with them.
Now able to spend more time with family, and things are much better than before.

stocks? forex?

[NaughtyTeacher]

From what I read it seems the only reason you're eating outside is because your wife doesn't want to have sex. If your wife also eat outside will you be okay or just forget it since you're also doing the same?

Anyway, if it's I will choose C since it doesn't involve any emotions and won't trouble your marriage. . Tbh, this is one of the reason why I don't plan to get married. Sekali my wife don't want to have sex then I need to eat outside. At least if I'm single I don't need to think so much.

No ah. quite different. I keep asking, and she keep denying mah. If she keep asking and I keep denying, then i guess i cant blame her and I am honestly ok with that.

[NaughtyTeacher]

i have been thru GFs, FB, KTV gals, WL etc
The above is listed by the magnitude in terms of
responsibilities, bothersome, monetary aspect.
When i was young, energetic and needed to fulfil
my self esteem ego to concur, i had multiple GFs
and FB concurrently then.
At this stage of my life, i am now only into WL.
transactional is by far the best option now that i
have no emotional needs to fulfil. With WL, KTV gals,
you can love talk them all you want and nothing will come
back and haunt you. You can even keep them as an unofficial mistress
on short term basis and need not worry she will knock on your door.
i call it an "affair" with no loose end.

Noted on the wise advise. I also think so this is best.

[Durategra]

Wow, i never saw it that way before. Like a regular FL. Usually i find FL from OKT. How to find one regular one? Exchange numbers if i see someone I like ah?

If you can afford a local fl, try whoever’s available till you find someone you fancy, then stick with her. No cross cultural barrier since she’ll be local. And yet, without the commitment. Cost wise, should add up to having a gf or 2. Of course don’t go for the younger ones, those cost a bomb.
If foreign FL, they tend to be here really short term so longevity of those can be tricky.
Now the next type, ML, they tend to be in singapore longer, you can make wooing them your extra activity. It’s the whole challenge of trying to “unlock” their hidden potential, sexual desires, companionship etc. but of course lookout for those who are also put to leech off guys money.

I have a regular ML, thankfully she’s an sg citizen now so chances of her leaving sg is low. I’m tryna “unlock” her. Clean massage joints generally are cheaper fishing grounds coz they only have entrance fee and def cheaper than those that provide extras.
But yea, beyond all of the above, family- kids come first

[matrix_2k]

Actually I think you have you have already made a decision before deciding to type here.

You came here to find reassurance with your choice or I could be full of shit. LOL

As a few Bros already said, keep it transactional. Seems to work well for many of us here, you can buy them small gifts, snacks to brighten their day.

An ML might be better, an older divorced ML to be exact.

Don't envy those Viet / Thai gals with local hubbies, their hubbies go through a lot, its not just the girl they marry, its practically a village.

and yes the Kids, they don't deserve an abrupt end to the story, really not fair to them.

One other option you could do is forcefully book spa or massage appointments for your wife and get her to go regularly.

Maybe that might revive her energy and feelings and things might get on track.


I supposed we have some similarities, thus I decided to reply.

[Xgenre]

One other option you could do is forcefully book spa or massage appointments for your wife and get her to go regularly.

Or he can bring her to a female tcm doctor under the reason of health maintenance. As we get older, the risks of hypertension, cholesterol and diabetes get higher. Tcm is a good way to manage our health holistically.

The good side effect is maybe she will feel more in the mood when her yin and yang are in equilibrium. Given that so many childless couples will see a tcm doctor when they are trying for a baby, I think tcm can be quite effective for managing a lady's hormones. maybe can help ladies with low sex drive.

[crood]

Thank you bro. I believe this is the right choice too. But I just feel so cheated of this marriage.

I can't share more details otherwise pple might be able to guess who I am.

Did ur spouse know that u r unhappy at her?

I just told mine today , in this world

Nobody need to 忍受 , if you are unhappy at me no matter 大大小小
just say out。


Spouse always think that by saying out , I might brush it off and think is a petty issue but then I say nobody’s feelings is invalid.

Even if you have a high tolerance level, there’s also a limit.

And also whatever u r looking for now , gf and sugar babies / fwb r just short term happiness with no happy ending.

[tritonyeah666]

Got happy ending usually la lol

[NaughtyTeacher]

Did ur spouse know that u r unhappy at her?

I just told mine today , in this world

Nobody need to 忍受 , if you are unhappy at me no matter 大大小小
just say out。


Spouse always think that by saying out , I might brush it off and think is a petty issue but then I say nobody’s feelings is invalid.

Even if you have a high tolerance level, there’s also a limit.

And also whatever u r looking for now , gf and sugar babies / fwb r just short term happiness with no happy ending.

Yes. She is very very aware. Again this part hard for me to share details without identifying myself.

[alea]

TS, I can feel your loneliness. With your gf, you had both emotional and physical fulfillment. Now with them gone, it took a big part out of your life.

How did you meet and connect with your gf back then? Maybe try using the same approach again? From your self description, you seem to be quite attractive to girls leh. Your chances should be quite high to connect with some other girls.

I have wife and kids too. Wife also not interested in intimacy. I’m sad that I had only one chance in marriage and I made a wrong choice.

Some time back I had a relationship with a married friend. Same as you, it was fulfilling physically and emotionally. After it ended, I couldn’t find anything that’s equally or more fulfilling. But unlike you, I’m terrible in the looks department so I don’t think I’ll ever get to enjoy that again in this life.

[StealthBomber]

(a) try to find someone else (but im not sure where to find. I even tried Sugarbook but got conned a lot)

(b) keep trying with them (very depressing to keep getting rejected)

(c) forget all these, focus on family and making money and be rich enough to go FL 2 - 3 times a week and just don't care so much about the emotions and connections.

I would like to hear your thoughts. If possible, do let me know if you are a guy or lady in your comments..

You are married with kids peacefully for so long and no family issues, means your wife must have done a satisfactory job on the home front besides just lacking one criteria that you mentioned.

It would be unfair to her and your kids as they did nothing wrong, if you go and break up the nice family that you built up, for just one defect.

A defect that can be easily addressed by answer (c).

You go with a gf, what if she cannot bring anything else to the table besides connection and intimacy? Also more serious defects if you're thinking about further commitment and setting up a new family.

[matrix_2k]

Yup agreed. Very good suggestion.

Or he can bring her to a female tcm doctor under the reason of health maintenance. As we get older, the risks of hypertension, cholesterol and diabetes get higher. Tcm is a good way to manage our health holistically.

The good side effect is maybe she will feel more in the mood when her yin and yang are in equilibrium. Given that so many childless couples will see a tcm doctor when they are trying for a baby, I think tcm can be quite effective for managing a lady's hormones. maybe can help ladies with low sex drive.

[leakypipes]

i was in your shoes. i just broke off with someone because we concluded no future ahead for now. it is painful. not was. is.

before the gf, i was following Path C which you outlined. The problem is, it gets sian very quick. also nowadays fl market, too much quantity too little quality. my preferred option is ktv. it's bit more what you see is what you get. but costly. covid weaned me off ktv life. before that i was going at least once a week.

also, before the gf, i made some changes to my life to cope with a less than happy home intimacy situation. took up hobbies. really started focussing on what gives my life meaning. i think that improved my situation to the point that i was able to find gf.

so whichever path you pick, retain focus on what is meaningful to you.

[donut88]

Yes. I forgot to add. Both are married with kids.

Doesn't matter whether they got kids or not.

The needs or desires must be on par from you and the gal. What are you both looking for? Just sex and nice companionship? Is she looking for divorce and wanting to be with you permanently?
Is she looking for $$?

All these questions need to be clear to you first.

In your current situation, u only want sex and some companionship and you go home to your family. Find a gal who have the same want as you. Then no problem will arise. Both parties has same kind of needs.

[curious11]

Doesn't matter whether they got kids or not.

The needs or desires must be on par from you and the gal. What are you both looking for? Just sex and nice companionship? Is she looking for divorce and wanting to be with you permanently?
Is she looking for $$?

All these questions need to be clear to you first.

In your current situation, u only want sex and some companionship and you go home to your family. Find a gal who have the same want as you. Then no problem will arise. Both parties has same kind of needs.

hmm good advice to find somebody going through the same feelings on the opposite sex and just have sex and go home to each others family. good for thought…

[crood]

i was in your shoes. i just broke off with someone because we concluded no future ahead for now. it is painful. not was. is.

before the gf, i was following Path C which you outlined. The problem is, it gets sian very quick. also nowadays fl market, too much quantity too little quality. my preferred option is ktv. it's bit more what you see is what you get. but costly. covid weaned me off ktv life. before that i was going at least once a week.

also, before the gf, i made some changes to my life to cope with a less than happy home intimacy situation. took up hobbies. really started focussing on what gives my life meaning. i think that improved my situation to the point that i was able to find gf.

so whichever path you pick, retain focus on what is meaningful to you.

The thing with path C is pocket must be deep enough. For KTV, the drinks + tips amounts to $500-600? If extra even more + hotel? $1k?

[crood]

Got happy ending usually la lol

Lols, the happy ending will eventually come to the end especially if you got nothing to offer to the gal.

[crood]

Yes. She is very very aware. Again this part hard for me to share details without identifying myself.

Haha u have many friends here ar ?

[leakypipes]

The thing with path C is pocket must be deep enough. For KTV, the drinks + tips amounts to $500-600? If extra even more + hotel? $1k?

depends how big your group is. but i usually set aside 1k+/session. usually way more than enough.

[crood]

depends how big your group is. but i usually set aside 1k+/session. usually way more than enough.

I estimated to be $1k per trip too, if go weekly will be $4k++

Need to have deep pockets.

[junior_cannibal]

Being married and still want to find FB or GF outside that comes with not just sex but GFE or emotional attachment, yet no string as in won't affect the marriage, its the similar logic like want cheap, want fresh, want NTTL.
An affair can always start blissful till one party or both starts to want more out of it. Some suggest to find married women, or people who are seeking similar arrangement, what if the woman falls deeper and wants more.
Living with a woman and seeing a woman can be very different. The latter will always seem more desirable as no need to see her negative behaviours at home as not living together.

[Sgchiongster]

Bro TS,

There’s a old saying “U reap what u sow”. We are all adults. Life can be confusing and may not always been what we want. Think before you act. You have a family, a good life and stable financial situation. U already played with fire twice and you should be glad that you are not burn and have a chance now to get out and restart.

U can do what u want but ask yourself, sex or family is more important to u? To me, Option C sounds the better choice. A bit more balanced but there is always risk. Remember this saying “出来混的，迟早都要还的”.

[Lucifer666]

My 2 cents……

I will go with option C.
Reason being - 1) no person will get hurt 😞 2) lying and living multiple life’s can be very tried and stressful 3) focus on making more money and family members or take up a new hobby

[junior_cannibal]

While some suggested option C, if the wife were to know, there will still be trouble.
It's the same logic like afraid of getting STD, so not engaging FL for FJ, just BBBJ, can still kenna STD via oral.
Do anything also has its associated risk. If afraid getting caught, don't do anything, just accept the so called boring, sex less life. Otherwise, whether option A, B or C all has its risk.
If get caught, even if the wife can forgive, she will not forget, she never will admit she's a part in it as she's not caring about what the husband needs.

[guyorgirl]

I was sharing with another bro how 'love' really works.

Men crave for:

1. Touch
2. Emotions
3. Love
4. Attraction.

Unfortunately, as humans none have the full capabilities listed. Usually at most 1 and 4 (FB) or 2 and 3 (wife/gf) or just 4 (can see cannot touch) or even just 1 (FB).

Same goes for women. That's why when the balance is not complete, what's missing, we tend to look elsewhere.

You need to ask yourself, what is your wife lacking in what you need. How can you balance that need with

1) FB
2) Lover
3) Commercial Sex
4) Close friend (unlikely soulmate type)

If you need emotion, a close friend would suffice, but if you need both emotion and touch, maybe 1 and 4 will make up for that. To find one that balances all your needs, is going to be hard. VERY hard.

[Rolled]

Hi bro, I can totally understand how you feel. Was in a similar situation as you. Married but after awhile, it becomes more like kinship more than love. Though madly in love with my ex-gf of 2 years, ultimately still couldn't leave the family.

She is married with kids herself and I thought that will be perfect that we can find in each other what we cannot back home. In the end, she still got overtook by jealousy and decided to end the relationship.

I was (b) for awhile until I decided not to be a nuisance. It's been over a year since we broke up and I still can't really get over. No amount of FL or ML can fill the void in the heart I guess.

As for (a), I believe in fate. If it comes, it comes. For now, I just try to give what I can to the family (not that I didn't previously), just that I try harder to find the spark with my wife and hope for the best.

Jiayou bro

[crood]

I was sharing with another bro how 'love' really works.

Men crave for:

1. Touch
2. Emotions
3. Love
4. Attraction.

Unfortunately, as humans none have the full capabilities listed. Usually at most 1 and 4 (FB) or 2 and 3 (wife/gf) or just 4 (can see cannot touch) or even just 1 (FB).

Same goes for women. That's why when the balance is not complete, what's missing, we tend to look elsewhere.

You need to ask yourself, what is your wife lacking in what you need. How can you balance that need with

1) FB
2) Lover
3) Commercial Sex
4) Close friend (unlikely soulmate type)

If you need emotion, a close friend would suffice, but if you need both emotion and touch, maybe 1 and 4 will make up for that. To find one that balances all your needs, is going to be hard. VERY hard.

To get all , meaning to be able to find a wife who is good in sex , sex drive probably on par with you or won’t reject for sex, able to communicate and with good chemistry, don’t expect a lot but willing to give a lot type

[guyorgirl]

To get all , meaning to be able to find a wife who is good in sex , sex drive probably on par with you or won’t reject for sex, able to communicate and with good chemistry, don’t expect a lot but willing to give a lot type

If it's feasible, men won't find women outside.

Most women start as good lovers, a nice wife. Once kid comes along, focus shifts, becomes a good mother which is desirable, but no longer a lover. Wife from bedroom becomes a wife to kitchen.

Men will start to get frustrated, no?

To get all that you listed, probably a ladyboy, or shemale would suffice, but they will not be able to be a good mother since they can't have children. So the story repeats.

[crood]

If it's feasible, men won't find women outside.

Most women start as good lovers, a nice wife. Once kid comes along, focus shifts, becomes a good mother which is desirable, but no longer a lover. Wife from bedroom becomes a wife to kitchen.

Men will start to get frustrated, no?

To get all that you listed, probably a ladyboy, or shemale would suffice, but they will not be able to be a good mother since they can't have children. So the story repeats.

True, overall wife is still a good wife and good mother.

[crood]

Hi bro, I can totally understand how you feel. Was in a similar situation as you. Married but after awhile, it becomes more like kinship more than love. Though madly in love with my ex-gf of 2 years, ultimately still couldn't leave the family.

She is married with kids herself and I thought that will be perfect that we can find in each other what we cannot back home. In the end, she still got overtook by jealousy and decided to end the relationship.

I was (b) for awhile until I decided not to be a nuisance. It's been over a year since we broke up and I still can't really get over. No amount of FL or ML can fill the void in the heart I guess.

As for (a), I believe in fate. If it comes, it comes. For now, I just try to give what I can to the family (not that I didn't previously), just that I try harder to find the spark with my wife and hope for the best.

Jiayou bro

I wonder what sort of jealousy since she herself is married with kids, she couldn’t possibly D her husband to marry you and with so many kids in tolls, it is going to be a headache.

[Xgenre]

I have the feeling that many ladies secretly lurking behind the screen will be impressed by what we are typing. We are not just lao tiko. We go for commercial sex because we have thought about the consequences and don't want to destroy our families because we are horny.:p

Darling, I love you. That's why I choose FL Dome and hand jobs at MPs :D

[crood]

I have the feeling that many ladies secretly lurking behind the screen will be impressed by what we are typing. We are not just lao tiko. We go for commercial sex because we have thought about the consequences and don't want to destroy our families because we are horny.:p

Darling, I love you. That's why I choose FL Dome and hand jobs at MPs :D

Reminded me a convo of me having a dinner with a friend, she threw her husband out of the house after finding out about his wechat with the ML from the massage parlour.

He left with his baggage of little belongings but returned the next day because he has no where to go :D

She told him that he got no looks , no figure , no $ (laden with debts), bad ties with his parents so where can he go?

[Rolled]

I wonder what sort of jealousy since she herself is married with kids, she couldn’t possibly D her husband to marry you and with so many kids in tolls, it is going to be a headache.

Yes exactly what many people said to me. I guess I experience some sort of jealousy when she had staycay with her husband, and she tells me whag she experience is 10x worse and its overbearing for her?

Never had the intention to d and break up families for both of us. She always just said she may have over estimated herself and thought she will be able to share. Oh well, I have also accepted the reality that shes gone

[leakypipes]

I have the feeling that many ladies secretly lurking behind the screen will be impressed by what we are typing. We are not just lao tiko. We go for commercial sex because we have thought about the consequences and don't want to destroy our families because we are horny.:p

Darling, I love you. That's why I choose FL Dome and hand jobs at MPs :D

you genius bro. i totally support.

[Peacekeeping]

To get all , meaning to be able to find a wife who is good in sex , sex drive probably on par with you or won’t reject for sex, able to communicate and with good chemistry, don’t expect a lot but willing to give a lot type

Wife who is good in sex and sex drive very high also got high chance to let husband wear green hat. Even if the husband can satisfy her everyday, she may get bored with eating the same food. So be careful of what we wish for.

[sensualkinks]

C all the way….

I have a colleague whose wife is working in the same company but different level and different dept… one day this lady came and make a huge ruckus at our dept shouting and screaming and crying at him at his table about their breakup etc… the lady didn’t know he is married, but we all do. By the time the security came to take her away the damage is done. By noon his wife knew about it. The wife filed for divorce and also got the custody of the kid.

Sometimes the consequences is really not worth risking it for despite how exciting the adventures are. You will never know when any of your gfs or Fwb decide to secretly follow u home and threaten to tell your wife etc.

[junior_cannibal]

C all the way….

I have a colleague whose wife is working in the same company but different level and different dept… one day this lady came and make a huge ruckus at our dept shouting and screaming and crying at him at his table about their breakup etc… the lady didn’t know he is married, but we all do. By the time the security came to take her away the damage is done. By noon his wife knew about it. The wife filed for divorce and also got the custody of the kid.

Sometimes the consequences is really not worth risking it for despite how exciting the adventures are. You will never know when any of your gfs or Fwb decide to secretly follow u home and threaten to tell your wife etc.
Fully agree. Not many can be as lucky as TS where two ladies, one of horny like whore yet can only want TS once in a blue moon (though I hardly believe if she's so easily satisfied) and the other one who's so innocent she trust him so much and even gave him angbao. This bit puzzled me too. Sounds like a virgin broke his virginity in GL and the WL offers him an angbao. How did Janice know duchess practice??
In summary, no matter how tempting your office colleagues may be and readily available, don't shit in your own backyard. Also, don't lie about the marital status if you just want to have fun.
Play with some ground rules that both can accept and follow. Else, don't play.

[james38]

Hi Bro,
Are you very sure that both ladies broke off with u because you are married and will not leave your family and it was not going anyway???
Both of them are married too, they are not single!
Why did both of them broke off with u at the same time? Have you ever thought out of the box? Is it because u have bad breath or bad body odour? Or your sex skill no longer up to standard? You are no longer attractive to both of them already, even though u yourself think u are handsome. Something is wrong bro. They are probably tired of you after 5 yrs and i suppose they are looking or have found someone better than you.

Please go find out how to make married ladies stick to you forever, like a super glue. Only u dump them, not the other way round.

Thats my two bits worth.

Rgds,
James

[james38]

I think i know what is wrong:

"Both needed you in some way and u are always there for u'.

U have cheapen yourself by always be there for them. Women like bad guys... u have to be bad at times. U have to reject them at times. You have to hurt them at times but don't hurt them too deep until they hate u. Today scold them, tomorrow say 'l love you'. Today say bad things about them, like how come today your vagina so smelly, i have not going to lick it. Tomorrow, wah... how come your vagina smells so nice today? i want to lick it for hours now. Sometimes make them happy, sometimes make them sad. I guess u had tried to make them happy all the time. That's very wrong bro...

My advice is u can forget about the two ladies. Go find someone else and don't repeat the same mistake again.

Rgds,
James

[Ahboy113]

I assume this means to leave my current marriage and try to find a new one?

With children not easy to make this decision. but thanks for your opinion. I see my friends with Viet or PRC gfs and wives, sometimes a bit envy.

Yeah. thanks for understanding home priority thingy.

One of the gf, i get to meet everyday, so connection was very strong. now no more.

C all the way….

I have a colleague whose wife is working in the same company but different level and different dept… one day this lady came and make a huge ruckus at our dept shouting and screaming and crying at him at his table about their breakup etc… the lady didn’t know he is married, but we all do. By the time the security came to take her away the damage is done. By noon his wife knew about it. The wife filed for divorce and also got the custody of the kid.

Sometimes the consequences is really not worth risking it for despite how exciting the adventures are. You will never know when any of your gfs or Fwb decide to secretly follow u home and threaten to tell your wife etc.

Totally agreed with you all the way C for married man, at least that is the only choice when you are married and still want to chiong.

A&B will end up become solo in one day, and you become a free man can choose A-Z.

[Ladyrain]

Fully agree. Not many can be as lucky as TS where two ladies, one of horny like whore yet can only want TS once in a blue moon (though I hardly believe if she's so easily satisfied) and the other one who's so innocent she trust him so much and even gave him angbao. This bit puzzled me too. Sounds like a virgin broke his virginity in GL.
This is funny!! Hahaha .... .....

[NaughtyTeacher]

I think i know what is wrong:

"Both needed you in some way and u are always there for u'.

U have cheapen yourself by always be there for them. Women like bad guys... u have to be bad at times. U have to reject them at times. You have to hurt them at times but don't hurt them too deep until they hate u. Today scold them, tomorrow say 'l love you'. Today say bad things about them, like how come today your vagina so smelly, i have not going to lick it. Tomorrow, wah... how come your vagina smells so nice today? i want to lick it for hours now. Sometimes make them happy, sometimes make them sad. I guess u had tried to make them happy all the time. That's very wrong bro...

My advice is u can forget about the two ladies. Go find someone else and don't repeat the same mistake again.

Rgds,
James

Thank you bro. Lol....

Hi Bro,
Are you very sure that both ladies broke off with u because you are married and will not leave your family and it was not going anyway???
Both of them are married too, they are not single!
Why did both of them broke off with u at the same time? Have you ever thought out of the box? Is it because u have bad breath or bad body odour? Or your sex skill no longer up to standard? You are no longer attractive to both of them already, even though u yourself think u are handsome. Something is wrong bro. They are probably tired of you after 5 yrs and i suppose they are looking or have found someone better than you.

Please go find out how to make married ladies stick to you forever, like a super glue. Only u dump them, not the other way round.

Thats my two bits worth.

Rgds,
James

Wah, I confused. What Ang Bao?

[NaughtyTeacher]

Thank you all bros for replying. I think I cant have my cake and eat it.

Better to choose the risk free and trouble free route. If once in a while find good FL, then visit more often, thats it.

Meanwhile, if got sis reading here in similar situation, do PM to see if the chemistry works. :)