Sick and tired of being a Loser

[SushiJiro]

Originally Posted by chisanaHana

well, at least you have ex-gf, some people can try their whole lives and never get hitched before

My ex-girlfriend is really a wonderful gal and has, in my opinion, everything a guy can ask for in a GF.
She is pretty & independent. She takes care of my every needs- she will automatically massage my shoulders and neck whenever she sees me looking tired from work. She will willingingly cook for me in the middle of the night when i say i am hungry. She remembers every details of my likes and dislikes, and always surprise me by secretly buying something which i casually mention to her that i like.

So i wonder if what i am today is a punishment from heaven for giving up such a wonderful gal.

Every gal i have met since breaking up either behaves like i have leprosy when i try to ask them out, or for the rare ones who seemed to be interested in me, it turned out they are just blatantly trying to rip me off.

[devilcat]

Hi TS,

My humble 2 cents, based on my own true story
10 years ago I felt like a looser too. I only had a Dip. I am not rich nor good looking.

I tried dating websites making it a point to email at least 20 women a night to hone up my comm skills. I made friends with some ladies but could never cross the friendzone. I finally got close to getting my 1st gf, (a PRC working in SG) only to have her look down on me for being poor. It was depressing.

In 2011, I made it a point to love myself first. I focus on work, took up a PGD then an MBA. The process instill confidence & hope in me. While studying I found a beautiful girl. ultimately we are who we attract.

She is religious & would walk several streets to buy breakfast for me. Such things are really not what money can buy. Thus focus on growth first. Be the one you want to love. Cheers

[Vectra]

Originally Posted by queeniegal

Is meant to be it will be (=

Like!

[Summerhillt]

Originally Posted by devilcat

Hi TS,

My humble 2 cents, based on my own true story
10 years ago I felt like a looser too. I only had a Dip. I am not rich nor good looking.

I tried dating websites making it a point to email at least 20 women a night to hone up my comm skills. I made friends with some ladies but could never cross the friendzone. I finally got close to getting my 1st gf, (a PRC working in SG) only to have her look down on me for being poor. It was depressing.

In 2011, I made it a point to love myself first. I focus on work, took up a PGD then an MBA. The process instill confidence & hope in me. While studying I found a beautiful girl. ultimately we are who we attract.

She is religious & would walk several streets to buy breakfast for me. Such things are really not what money can buy. Thus focus on growth first. Be the one you want to love. Cheers

Awesome story to share bro. Yea most of us are neither here or there but than if we constantly upgrade ourselves.. our own confidence comes in and naturally attracts girls

[SushiJiro]

Originally Posted by devilcat

Hi TS,

My humble 2 cents, based on my own true story
10 years ago I felt like a looser too. I only had a Dip. I am not rich nor good looking.

She is religious & would walk several streets to buy breakfast for me. Such things are really not what money can buy. Thus focus on growth first. Be the one you want to love. Cheers

This really is inspiring bro. Thanks for sharing your story and the encouragement.

[organiser]

Originally Posted by SushiJiro

Been single for the past 3 years since my last relationship ended. Chanced upon my ex-gf FB and see that she is blissfully married and has a 1-year old son now. And inevitably I asked myself, what have i done with my own life for the past 3 years?
I have spent the last 3 valentines' day and CNY alone and mostly likely the coming one too... and more important than any special occasions, I am ashamed about how my life is stuck in a rut.
Naturally, you would ask why am I not picking myself up and moving on with life? Why am I not seeing anyone new?

Now here's where my issues lies - It is not that I did not try. In fact, I have never tried so hard in my life. I have tried everything- from having friends/colleagues introducing their female friend to me, to getting to know a complete new gal at the club.
But no matter what i do, the outcome seems to be always the same- the other party will take an extremely long time to reply sms and from her response, it is clear she is not the least interested in me (even as a friend).

I seemed to be perennially shut off by people now and there is almost nothing I can do when the other party simply does not respond. Things were not always like this, and I have had several normal relationships before. I don't know what has changed ( i.e. Could i have become extremely grotesque overnight) but things just aren't the same anymore.

Same too like you. But for me i do not want to get indulge in a rs. Maybe you can try by not pressurizing yourself or the other party. If she replies your sms or apps, its a bonus if not maybe just text her once every 2-3 days asking daily stuff and maybe the other party doesnt love to sms or purely due to tight routine. Try dating her out and please kindly groom yourself so as to respect the date. Have a casual chat with her, nothing intense. Wish these pointers help.

Cheers
Organiser

Organiser for KTV outings

[Greenfrog]

Originally Posted by devilcat

Hi TS,

My humble 2 cents, based on my own true story
10 years ago I felt like a looser too. I only had a Dip. I am not rich nor good looking.

I tried dating websites making it a point to email at least 20 women a night to hone up my comm skills. I made friends with some ladies but could never cross the friendzone. I finally got close to getting my 1st gf, (a PRC working in SG) only to have her look down on me for being poor. It was depressing.

In 2011, I made it a point to love myself first. I focus on work, took up a PGD then an MBA. The process instill confidence & hope in me. While studying I found a beautiful girl. ultimately we are who we attract.

She is religious & would walk several streets to buy breakfast for me. Such things are really not what money can buy. Thus focus on growth first. Be the one you want to love. Cheers

wow you are really a lucky guy.

[SushiJiro]

Originally Posted by organiser

Same too like you. But for me i do not want to get indulge in a rs. Maybe you can try by not pressurizing yourself or the other party. If she replies your sms or apps, its a bonus if not maybe just text her once every 2-3 days asking daily stuff and maybe the other party doesnt love to sms or purely due to tight routine. Try dating her out and please kindly groom yourself so as to respect the date. Have a casual chat with her, nothing intense. Wish these pointers help.
Cheers
Organiser

Thanks for the pointers bro!

Actually i am feeling quite jaded after the strings of bad outcomes. Recently i have basically taken the dating thing completely out of my mind. For the past weeks, i have been keeping my outings to an all-guys thing- catching up with many of my buddies like my ex-colleagues and army mates. Nothing sexciting, just catching up over dinner and having a good drink. And i have never been happier!
No need to fret over whether i will be flied aeroplane last minute, don't need to worry about whether the date will turn out disappointing.

Maybe it's just me, but like i mentioned, i have the most awful luck when it comes to dating the opposite gender for the past 3 years- rejection rate is close to something like 98%. For the rare occasions where i thought i scored a date, the gal turns out to be one with either a serious personality problem or simply trying to rip me off as much as she can- leading to another disappointment inevitably.

For me, dating has become a terrible proposition where my input is disproportionately high and the outcome is awfully bad. Even if i disregard the money, effort & time spent, i reckoned the emotional turmoil is simply not worth it.

[ahpui99]

Hey bro


I kenna something like that last time

My ex dumped me and married the other guy

Bloody hell......

What u need to do is to live your life well

Exercise 4 to 5 times a week
Study and upgrade
Concentrate on work
Make friends


It will happen the right way

Once u dun have the despo feel, you will be ok

[Enzo]

Originally Posted by SushiJiro

Thanks for the pointers bro!

Actually i am feeling quite jaded after the strings of bad outcomes. Recently i have basically taken the dating thing completely out of my mind. For the past weeks, i have been keeping my outings to an all-guys thing- catching up with many of my buddies like my ex-colleagues and army mates. Nothing sexciting, just catching up over dinner and having a good drink. And i have never been happier!
No need to fret over whether i will be flied aeroplane last minute, don't need to worry about whether the date will turn out disappointing.

Maybe it's just me, but like i mentioned, i have the most awful luck when it comes to dating the opposite gender for the past 3 years- rejection rate is close to something like 98%. For the rare occasions where i thought i scored a date, the gal turns out to be one with either a serious personality problem or simply trying to rip me off as much as she can- leading to another disappointment inevitably.

For me, dating has become a terrible proposition where my input is disproportionately high and the outcome is awfully bad. Even if i disregard the money, effort & time spent, i reckoned the emotional turmoil is simply not worth it.

While I have not had the experience of the dating and rejections part you encountered, I feel demoralized at the thought of having to try again in another relationship. My r/s ended several months ago and it was a long r/s.

At an age where I see friends making plans to get married or already married and settling down to set up their own family, I desire to form my own family too. I'm willing to work hard, to learn whatever that is required to be a better partner, but when I look at the horizon, it's hard not to feel depressed about it.

I don't desire to be single, but I think I am slowly coming to accept that that's the way it's going to be.

[ahpui99]

As what a lot of my married friends say to single friends. It could be worse.

Meaning you could be single, mid 30s and a lady. See if got chance compared to a guy. Of cos assume everything else remaining constant

[timeonmyhands]

Hi TS,
So much input so please excuse me if this is a repeat.

Firstly, when does being single equate to being a loser? If you feel this way, step one in any direction is to stop thinking this way. Change in a relationship status equals just that, being no longer single and therefore something else ... does not mean one stops being a loser if in fact a person started out as a loser.

Neither does being in a relationship mean that a person automatically become a winner ... believe you me, attached guys still feel like losers on certain days or weeks.

Keep your chin up! If you are feeling lonely or alone more often than not, chances are, it could be a lot more to it.

Get some help. I mean this in the kindest way, sometime we just need to explore what's bugging us and stop picking up the nearest most convenient thing to blame and label. Perhaps seeing a change in your ex relationship status may have hit you harder than you think.

Anyway, there is help.You can only drink so many beers and PCC that many times. Not resolving whats really bugging you could lead to more complications.

Keep your chin up! If all else fails, you still have SBF! (erm...no offense actually that could also be a symptom )

[gimmeporn]

Hi TS

i have had like 4 relationships and still no wife yet. I recently met a girl but i fucked it up as explained in another thread

the whole idea of being with someone is sometimes too overrated, 缘分 is something that comes and go and 9 out of 10 it doesn't happen and we just move on.

What i am trying to say is that there is a life ahead of you (you are only 27) and instead of telling us how you failed to have a gf, why don't you tell us how you discovered xx number of ways not to fall into the marriage trap?

When it happens, please do not expect it to be natural all the time, sometimes it takes work to get things done and not whine and want to die about it. The loneliness is nothing, WILL is everything.

[SushiJiro]

Originally Posted by ahpui99

Hey bro

What u need to do is to live your life well

Exercise 4 to 5 times a week
Study and upgrade
Concentrate on work
Make friends


It will happen the right way

Once u dun have the despo feel, you will be ok

Thanks bro! I am working exactly on that.

Originally Posted by Enzo

At an age where I see friends making plans to get married or already married and settling down to set up their own family, I desire to form my own family too. I'm willing to work hard, to learn whatever that is required to be a better partner, but when I look at the horizon, it's hard not to feel depressed about it.

I understand how you feel. I am 31 this year, and has attended at least 10 of my secondary school classmates wedding. With a few mores coming up.
The comparison certaintly makes this being single thing a whole lot worse than it actually. I am usually fine eating by myself until a couple comes sitting next table to mine and starts feeding each other haha...

[SushiJiro]

Originally Posted by timeonmyhands

Hi TS,
So much input so please excuse me if this is a repeat.

Firstly, when does being single equate to being a loser? If you feel this way, step one in any direction is to stop thinking this way. Change in a relationship status equals just that, being no longer single and therefore something else ... does not mean one stops being a loser if in fact a person started out as a loser.

Neither does being in a relationship mean that a person automatically become a winner ... believe you me, attached guys still feel like losers on certain days or weeks.

hey bro, i appreciate each and every sharing here. In fact, i think some points has to be repeated many times before it gets into the head for slower bros like me haha.

Loser is probably a strong word to define the situation, it's probably a feeling of me being not good enough where most of my peers are able to attract someone to be exclusive whereas i seemed to be out there constantly tossed around and unwanted.