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Bro FYI. f you need to help someone in trouble esp getting into this kind of KC thing... you have to see if the person is worth the help. There are two type of persons. First type will be grateful to you for helping him and Second type is cursing you for being Kapo and get into the same shit again
Not all are worth helping... Whether you like my idea or not. Hahaha... To me, if a person does not want to be helped, then better leave him alone. You can have your opinion but that does not mean my way of doing is wrong.
Anyway you might think you are doing a good deed by helping that person but if he in the process does not learn from the experiece... Are you going to help him again for the second time or perharps third time? I wonder....
You might be doing harm to that person for helping him instead of letting him learnt.
Anyway thats my view on this point. But its good to know that there are helpful pple arnd...
Your idea or my idea, seriously it doesn't matter. The source of those ideas is the same.
Our pretext is when somebody stretches a hand out for help, you can't apply the Hard Way Out approach without concerning yourself with the nature of that person's problem. That is my point. You dun always use the same hammer to deal with all type of metals. Hard Way Out is a heavy hammer and undeniably can be applied to those hardcore super mindfucked victims. Those deserve to die and be reborn. However, most of the bros here are seeking for specific answers to deal with their specific problems, they are on the verge of making silly decisions. For them you have to apply the pull becos they do not need to go all the way to die and be reborn.
Yes, helping someone will cause them to rely on you. In a way, you have to influence their thought process rather to teach them on what to do. There must be a certain analysis for that to happen cos you need to discover their innermost issues. I believe everything happens for a reason, and there must reasons for their fall and even the tendency to rely. Usually the help happens within, solve the source, you solve the behaviour problems.
Usually the help happens within, solve the source, you solve the behaviour problems.
Spot on.
The prob of KC actually root is the individual.
It's usually those who belong to the 没自信category.
Lots have to do with their perception of life.
Straighten this and you'll fix more of what the person came into this place for help was initially.
Well said bro obiwan
__________________ The Choices We Make, Dictate The Life We Lead!!! The 4 Golden Rules in life:
1) 不要欺骗自己
2) 不要出卖自己
3) 不要背叛自己
4) 不要对不起自己
是你的，就是你的。
不是你的，不要抢！
人之所以快乐，不是因为得到的多、而是因为计较的少 Officially Retired From The Nite Scene
I'll help but there's a limit.
If i sense insincerity from the other party, i'll walk away & buy the popcorn to see the end.
Bro Colins & XYZ, you have stretched out your hand, but in the event it causes your hands to be amputated, FUCK IT! Let the mutha fuka burn.......
Like i said in a post, some were born to screw, some were born to be screwed.
They've chosen their path so be it. You have initiated to help, thus even wif this intention you'll receive merits for this life...dun worry.....
After all, at the end of the day, if they peril at their own hand, it wont affect you the slightest bit rite.......you'll still sleep peacefully at nite! I know i will
Quote:
Originally Posted by ekemono
Bro Collins,
However, I hope you can understand that reciprocation is never part of the package in helping someone, or even to the extend, loving someone.
As long as your heart tells you it is the right thing to do, then do it without expecting anything. It will make you feel better.
From what I have read, you have done your part fully, and it is what matters. In life we cannot expect another person to response accordingly to our due effort. If right now you dun feel you owe anyone anything, you are good.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wooden_Handle
Bro colins, you deserved the recognition in helping the poorer one, but sometimes they may not noticed their own state, and they are still living in their dream world. Please keep trying and never give up, cos I think 1 day he will be in even worst mess emotionally.
Quote:
Originally Posted by glooper83
Its not a price for gaining good karma in return... Hope that you'll be blessed bro Collins.
Bro Colins, I agreed with all the above being said by the bros here... but would like to add that even if bro A were to continue ignoring u or doesnt want to continue accepting your help or listening to your opinion, if I were u, I will still be around like his shadow there waiting to assist him when he falters.... cos being a true friend means always around to lend a listening ear but do not judge (when a person is still living in a dream.... whatever things he hears which may be detrimental to his present state of mind... he will choose to ignore it)...
Kudos to u bro colins and sorry for this late posting cos me oso MIA for some time due to my recent loss of one of my best friends.
Bro Colins, I agreed with all the above being said by the bros here... but would like to add that even if bro A were to continue ignoring u or doesnt want to continue accepting your help or listening to your opinion, if I were u, I will still be around like his shadow there waiting to assist him when he falters.... cos being a true friend means always around to lend a listening ear but do not judge (when a person is still living in a dream.... whatever things he hears which may be detrimental to his present state of mind... he will choose to ignore it)...
Kudos to u bro colins and sorry for this late posting cos me oso MIA for some time due to my recent loss of one of my best friends.
Thanks, sometimes I will give such a hard push to some bros that my words will chase them away. It is to attack where they hurt most, the pride. The reason which I do that is to make them feel pain enough for them to see the truth around them. With clarity of mind, pride is called confidence. Without any clarity of mind, pride is an escape from reality.
Yes I know they are affected and if they still need my presence they will come back. If they dun come back, well, they dun need any help anymore. This is how I approach the problem of me ever to over stretch myself again. Cos I know I wouldn't be able to reject anybody who stretches his hand out anytime.
what is the actual issues that bro A faced? if he is really serious with his girl who went back and yean for her return..it takes time to heal the wound.
if the girl do comes back and stick with him.he will be a happy man again..
looks like he has given his heart and soul to his gf...
by introducing another girl to him may not really solve the issues..it only temporirly fil the void he is into now especially if he is in contant contact with his girl and knowing that she will comng back soon..
so I feel, its best to let him be himself and unless his girl did not come back to look for him, than it will be a different story..
as i dont know the actual situation...my take is if his girl is coming back...than let him be and wait for her return...
loving a person is a strange thing and nothing u say will going to change anything...
you will be rewarded for helping a bro though in a different way...good karma will follow you...god bless...
what is the actual issues that bro A faced? if he is really serious with his girl who went back and yean for her return..it takes time to heal the wound.
if the girl do comes back and stick with him.he will be a happy man again..
looks like he has given his heart and soul to his gf...
by introducing another girl to him may not really solve the issues..it only temporirly fil the void he is into now especially if he is in contant contact with his girl and knowing that she will comng back soon..
so I feel, its best to let him be himself and unless his girl did not come back to look for him, than it will be a different story..
as i dont know the actual situation...my take is if his girl is coming back...than let him be and wait for her return...
loving a person is a strange thing and nothing u say will going to change anything...
Thank you. For Bro A's case, and unfortunately in many bros' case, they are willing to offer heart and soul AND MONEY. However for his girl, it is apparent that she wants only MONEY in exchange of her heart and soul. Now we all know that if you use money to exchange for someone's 'heart & soul', it will only last as long as the money last. Since anyone else can provide the universal currency to exchange for her heart and soul, Bro A's offer of his own heart and soul is misplaced as to her, these are NOTHING.
So if Bro A still believes in giving up his most precious heart and soul which means nothing to her, he is deluding himself that both of these is worth something to her. He might as well go to the Escape Theme Park and lives his dream state forever. Delusion is an escape from reality. Reality is he is not confident in himself for who he think he is. Therefore the need to escape to feel considerably better.
To answer your question directly, yes he will be a happy man for a short while as long as he has the cash, but when she leaves again he will be both unhappy and broken. Not to mention the amount of money spent. In the worst case scenario, if he is 'successful' in marrying her (assuming she got enough confident in his Gold Mountain), he will be forever be in the clutch of this particular girl. All in all, such happiness can only be found in a dream, and we are men, we will wake up one day. Unfortunately, that will be when all those words make sense, he will be saying sorry to himself endlessly but too late.
I think those belong to 没自信category will need a lot of TLC to get them stand on their own feet.
However, we are lucky to have Auntie DYBJ and Auntie colins, even Auntie sammyboyforum also joining the Auntie Agony threads.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DO_YOU_BJ
Spot on.
The prob of KC actually root is the individual.
It's usually those who belong to the 没自信category.
Lots have to do with their perception of life.
Straighten this and you'll fix more of what the person came into this place for help was initially.
Well said bro obiwan
I agreed wholeheartedly with bro Monkey, if we know the guy will fall, have to try to assist in anyway, even though he is resisting the help. Some how and in some way we will be able to get his attention, no matter how high his resistance there will be low moments and he need a fren to talk to.
I had experienced as volunteer before in big 'S' group in UK and persistence seldom failed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Monkey4
Bro Colins, I agreed with all the above being said by the bros here... but would like to add that even if bro A were to continue ignoring u or doesnt want to continue accepting your help or listening to your opinion, if I were u, I will still be around like his shadow there waiting to assist him when he falters.... cos being a true friend means always around to lend a listening ear but do not judge (when a person is still living in a dream.... whatever things he hears which may be detrimental to his present state of mind... he will choose to ignore it)...
I think those belong to 没自信category will need a lot of TLC to get them stand on their own feet.
However, we are lucky to have Auntie DYBJ and Auntie colins, even Auntie sammyboyforum also joining the Auntie Agony threads.
obiwan is a nick which hasn't been created yet but so far it means me. I seriously hope that the auntie stays within this thread, haha...
If you give too much TLC to people in that category, it will cause a lot of reliance on you, inevitably causing them to constantly need your help to stand. Plus also the fact that you may encourage them to avoid confronting the real issue of the problem by going 'soft'. In summary, built their confidence for them by telling them to work for it. Usually people only need some techniques in thinking and a little push off the edge to take their first step.
I think there are timing involved as well: push too early he may jump off the cliff to back to his own shelf and push too late he will be lazy to walk liao..
Thank you. For Bro A's case, and unfortunately in many bros' case, they are willing to offer heart and soul AND MONEY. However for his girl, it is apparent that she wants only MONEY in exchange of her heart and soul. Now we all know that if you use money to exchange for someone's 'heart & soul', it will only last as long as the money last. Since anyone else can provide the universal currency to exchange for her heart and soul, Bro A's offer of his own heart and soul is misplaced as to her, these are NOTHING.
So if Bro A still believes in giving up his most precious heart and soul which means nothing to her, he is deluding himself that both of these is worth something to her. He might as well go to the Escape Theme Park and lives his dream state forever. Delusion is an escape from reality. Reality is he is not confident in himself for who he think he is. Therefore the need to escape to feel considerably better.
To answer your question directly, yes he will be a happy man for a short while as long as he has the cash, but when she leaves again he will be both unhappy and broken. Not to mention the amount of money spent. In the worst case scenario, if he is 'successful' in marrying her (assuming she got enough confident in his Gold Mountain), he will be forever be in the clutch of this particular girl. All in all, such happiness can only be found in a dream, and we are men, we will wake up one day. Unfortunately, that will be when all those words make sense, he will be saying sorry to himself endlessly but too late.
in that case, bro A is still in his "love dream" mode and being in that state of mind, is best to let time do the talking..until he sees that the light at the end of the tunnel is dimming and getting dimmer, will then he "wake" up for this stupor state of mind...ofcourse by then, he may have hurt his wallet but its a price to pay if you want to chiong and fall into the KC trap...but most important is, bro A can recover and learn from it..
in that case, bro A is still in his "love dream" mode and being in that state of mind, is best to let time do the talking..until he sees that the light at the end of the tunnel is dimming and getting dimmer, will then he "wake" up for this stupor state of mind...ofcourse by then, he may have hurt his wallet but its a price to pay if you want to chiong and fall into the KC trap...but most important is, bro A can recover and learn from it..
Sometimes, people stay in the dream state for the rest of their lives. It becomes their destiny. Its quite scary to be able to see the rest of their lives and no effort can be done to change it.
Sometimes, people stay in the dream state for the rest of their lives. It becomes their destiny. Its quite scary to be able to see the rest of their lives and no effort can be done to change it.
They will forever remain in a world of hallucination unless they choose to wake up of this fantasy-a world that never meant to exist for them.
21-10-2008, 03:50 AM
hehehehe...
