Advice needed, conversations with wife/gf

[hugs]

Ts, cut lost, find winner, divorce, should be last choice. Not first choice. I feel that you and him have not really gotten to know and understand each other yet.

[Kenny87]

Thank you all for your advises.

All those that gave advises, they are invaluable.

I knew that i came to the right place to ask for advise because i would be coddled in a female forum and not given the hard truth. Men usually are more straightforward and cut right into the heart of the problem.

I have read every single one of your postings and will consider all aspects and take your advise to heart.

I removed my post because i have gotten the answer i want. I think my dirty laundry has been aired long enough to get what i need.

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by Kenny87

TY all for your advises.

All those that gave advises, they are invaluable. I finally see how he thinks and i will take it to heart.

I removed my post because i have gotten the answer i want. I think my dirty laundry has been aired long enough to get what i need.

Let me give you the other side of the coin and that is the fact that ambitious alpha males are notorious for having a string of affairs.

From what I have gathered from your posts your husband is an ideal mate when it comes to caring for you and the family. His failures are financial but he seems to have a very good heart and is kind and caring.

If you give up on him and end up with a financially secure and ambitious mate, be prepared for a lot more emotional toil because if you find him attractive because he is a success in life then so too will a lot of other females.

You'll end up with sleepless nights wondering what he is up to while he's out "entertaining" or on business trips to far out lands.

Women who have been hurt by philandering husbands would probably love to swap places with you. The peace of mind of knowing that your beloved man is almost always at home awaiting your return should be very comforting.

Be careful what you wish for.

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Let me give you the other side of the coin and that is the fact that ambitious alpha males are notorious for having a string of affairs.

From what I have gathered from your posts your husband is an ideal mate when it comes to caring for you and the family. His failures are financial but he seems to have a very good heart and is kind and caring.

If you give up on him and end up with a financially secure and ambitious mate, be prepared for a lot more emotional toil because if you find him attractive because he is a success in life then so too will a lot of other females.

You'll end up with sleepless nights wondering what he is up to while he's out "entertaining" or on business trips to far out lands.

Women who have been hurt by philandering husbands would probably love to swap places with you. The peace of mind of knowing that your beloved man is almost always at home awaiting your return should be very comforting.

Be careful what you wish for.

Boss, fully agreed with you....good to see you have a softer side...wish you happy new year...

[hugs]

Got your pm. You're very welcome and keep the faith in your marriage and post #20 ( the one above me) is very true. You are a great wife, all the best

[Johnbass]

Keep your faith in men...
Many good men still available... But also check their marital status 1st...

[FishingPartner7]

Originally Posted by Johnbass

Keep your faith in men...
Many good men still available... But also check their marital status 1st...

I was told u need to tend your own garden well before you give advice to others.

[Johnbass]

Originally Posted by FishingPartner7

I was told u need to tend your own garden well before you give advice to others.

Thanks for your concern...
My garden already well tended to...
You still searching for your garden?
Need me to teach you a not?

[iPussy69]

Here also got riot liao ah?
JiBye Johnbass...

[Kenny87]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Let me give you the other side of the coin and that is the fact that ambitious alpha males are notorious for having a string of affairs.

From what I have gathered from your posts your husband is an ideal mate when it comes to caring for you and the family. His failures are financial but he seems to have a very good heart and is kind and caring.

If you give up on him and end up with a financially secure and ambitious mate, be prepared for a lot more emotional toil because if you find him attractive because he is a success in life then so too will a lot of other females.

You'll end up with sleepless nights wondering what he is up to while he's out "entertaining" or on business trips to far out lands.

Women who have been hurt by philandering husbands would probably love to swap places with you. The peace of mind of knowing that your beloved man is almost always at home awaiting your return should be very comforting.

Be careful what you wish for.

Actually Sammy, honestly after reading all your post, I did some self-reflecting. And you are right. I cannot discredit what he does for me or the family. he does have a good heart and is kind and caring towards me.

The conclusion that I have come to, is not what most of you think -leaving him.

I closed my post because at the risk of sounding like a "stupid" female who wails and dramatize the situation then go back to the original situation that gave me grief, I sat down to think why did i marry him.

My conclusion is that, I refuse to give up on him. Love is an abstract idea to me, and i dont really believe in something that is so ... fluffy? but at some point, this man, made me do irrational things that I cannot understand or explain, i think it might have been love.

I realize the role of a wife is to motivate and push her man to be the man who he can be and wants to be, comfort him when he needs it and understand when he cant achieve the things he set out to do.

He might need more effort and work than others, but yes, on the flip of the coin, i know and am comforted to know about what he is doing and where he is and i can concentrate on my work, and i do sleep very well at night knowing that he is always there when i need him to be.

I reflected that i should not be greedy and count my blessings. I am in a position many woman would kill to be in.

Honestly, after reading all your posts, I went to talk to him. And he finally opened up and communicated with me. All your advises gave me some insight to what i truly needed to know in a straightforward manner instead of coddling me and consoling me. I know that I may be deluding myself and giving myself false hope when he promised that he would change. But, I believe in him that one day, he will become better. If I really have to keep motivating him to keep him from sliding back into a loser mentality, then I will keep doing it.

Thank you all for your kind advise and the time spent to think of how to reply me. I appreciate all of it.

You guys might have just saved my marriage, or at least nudged us in the right direction to healing.

[hugs]

great! so glad u both communicated and looking forward to your next post telling us how much better the sex has gotten too k?( haha u know i am just teasing right? haha)

[Johnbass]

Tiagong when woman is in love, she will lower her expectations and man just needs to find some lame excuses to reassure her...

[Kenny87]

Originally Posted by hugs

Got your pm. You're very welcome and keep the faith in your marriage and post #20 ( the one above me) is very true. You are a great wife, all the best

Yes i will. Thanks bro.

Originally Posted by hugs

great! so glad u both communicated and looking forward to your next post telling us how much better the sex has gotten too k?( haha u know i am just teasing right? haha)

LOL im glad too. haha.. yes i know you are teasing.

[Kenny87]

Originally Posted by Johnbass

Tiagong when woman is in love, she will lower her expectations and man just needs to find some lame excuses to reassure her...

Not exactly, you seem to have a very low opinion of woman. I wonder why is that?

You see, I did a value analysis and I realize that the pros outweigh the cons.

It was actually hugs' line of questioning that made me realize that i may have different perspective about what i want and what he believes i want

If i am able to communicate what i want with my husband effectively, i believe that he will do what he can to provide it to me. You see, unlike every other female you know, I dont need my husband to provide for the family, i dont need him to earn big bucks now. What i want is for him to have a job that is sustainable, think before he acts. If he is currently earning 1K to learn a skill and gain experience, I will support him. But if he earns 3K in a dead end, non sustainable job, I would be very upset. What i need for him to do, is for him to have a future, i want him to aspire to be greater.

I lowered my expectations is so that he can hit the small milestones and be encourage to achieve greater things. If i set the bar so high that he cannot see, then what is the use of him trying?

[demonhunter]

Originally Posted by Kenny87

Not exactly, you seem to have a very low opinion of woman. I wonder why is that?

You see, I did a value analysis and I realize that the pros outweigh the cons.

It was actually hugs' line of questioning that made me realize that i may have different perspective about what i want and what he believes i want

If i am able to communicate what i want with my husband effectively, i believe that he will do what he can to provide it to me. You see, unlike every other female you know, I dont need my husband to provide for the family, i dont need him to earn big bucks now. What i want is for him to have a job that is sustainable, think before he acts. If he is currently earning 1K to learn a skill and gain experience, I will support him. But if he earns 3K in a dead end, non sustainable job, I would be very upset. What i need for him to do, is for him to have a future, i want him to aspire to be greater.

I lowered my expectations is so that he can hit the small milestones and be encourage to achieve greater things. If i set the bar so high that he cannot see, then what is the use of him trying?

Behind every successful man is a smart woman .... i believe we would clik very well .
GXFC