Y am i always the one initiating for xxx?

[Pinkypant]

Hi, this is my first post in sammyboy.

I saw many post in sbf, where their wives reject hubby in sex, and hubby finding out why. For me, is the other way round. This problem exists since the day we are tog. I always quarrel with him over this. Bec my bf either like to watch porn and he seldom req from me. I always ask him is it he is no longer interested in me..

fyi, i think im pleasant enough, in terms of looks and figure.

But he always denied. Not that he doesnt req from me. But very seldom. He can go without for like 2-3 weeks? Im quite sure he doesnt eat out. If he is low sex drive, y he watches porn? Is it bec of low esteem?

I cnt go to his house bec of his parents. But i keep on thinking of ways. Such as looking for budget hotels in jb. He just need to book it. But he is lazy and take so long to book.

He may sound like bad guy to ur. But he is not. He loves me, and take good care of me.

I need advice from guys is it bec of other reasons tht i dont know.
I do not welcome comments such as " he doesnt love u, he have someone outside".. Bec i know these are not the reason.

He may get to see this post. But i dont care.

I need genuine advice. Thks!

[wanderer23]

Hi, this is my first post in sammyboy.

I saw many post in sbf, where their wives reject hubby in sex, and hubby finding out why. For me, is the other way round. This problem exists since the day we are tog. I always quarrel with him over this. Bec my bf either like to watch porn and he seldom req from me. I always ask him is it he is no longer interested in me..

fyi, i think im pleasant enough, in terms of looks and figure.

But he always denied. Not that he doesnt req from me. But very seldom. He can go without for like 2-3 weeks? Im quite sure he doesnt eat out. If he is low sex drive, y he watches porn? Is it bec of low esteem?

I cnt go to his house bec of his parents. But i keep on thinking of ways. Such as looking for budget hotels in jb. He just need to book it. But he is lazy and take so long to book.

He may sound like bad guy to ur. But he is not. He loves me, and take good care of me.

I need advice from guys is it bec of other reasons tht i dont know.
I do not welcome comments such as " he doesnt love u, he have someone outside".. Bec i know these are not the reason.

He may get to see this post. But i dont care.

I need genuine advice. Thks!

Me thinks he is watching too much porn and masturbating to them if you ask my opinion. That could explain for the "low" sex drive

[stickychewy]

Sis,

Give him more time and space.

My 1 sen advice is that he probably subconsciously not feeling that confident or secure about himself as a man also...

What confidence or security you ask?

His ego as derived from own earning power, position, power, status, etc etc...

Your bf probably those type who is concerned very much with these things.

Take it easy on him and give him some time to find his "niche".

[tobi69]

Hi, this is my first post in sammyboy.

He may get to see this post. But i dont care.

I need genuine advice. Thks!

Hi Sis,how long have u been together wif this BF?Have u talk to him regarding this? Maybe hes turn on more by watching porn?Something is not rite somewhere, and we can just list all the reasons but the best is still to get the answer from him...

[joew2005]

if he saw u with other men ..... hw would he response ??

[Devil4U]

sex often needs alot of communication as well. Instead of asking us...why not find a comfortable time with him and lied on bed, talk to him on this issue?

Trust me, if he loves u, he will let u know why things are liked now. Hope u 2 work out well :)

[waahaa]

maybe he gets intimidated by the porno flicks, cos the guys are chosen for the ability to stay hard and delay cumming, and they're long too

[freezetheDB]

try to initiate and turn him on with first a blowjob

[Blackhand]

Hi, this is my first post in sammyboy.

I saw many post in sbf, where their wives reject hubby in sex, and hubby finding out why. For me, is the other way round. This problem exists since the day we are tog. I always quarrel with him over this. Bec my bf either like to watch porn and he seldom req from me. I always ask him is it he is no longer interested in me..


My guess is your bf lacks of the psychological side of stimulation from you - at least that is from what I can derive on your emphasis on the porn part. Yes, ALL men loves porn. But there are so many categories and fetishes in porn. Try to investigate his porn titles and find some clue there.

Role play a bit and dressing in costumes, lingerie or stockings (depends on what turns him on) to act out his fantasies. Be fun & adventurous - fondle or tease his manhood (or vice versa invite him to) in the public when no one is looking will also build up his excitement.

But remember, these are just some tips. E.g. If you discover that he may prefer you to slim down, then ask him to join u to exercise together to achieve the goal. Its only fair - but more importantly, its helps to build a healthy two-way relationship...unless he is really chauvanistic and shows his commitment to you in other ways.

Lastly, genuine pleasure from both party is the key to sex between a serious couple. That is why regardless of fetish, men in general loves moan and wetness. GFE will definitely stand out even if he is really "eating out".

[acet]

your bf watch porn because he need mental stimulation to make him high.

it is safe to say that u only hungry for sex but maybe direct penetration.

guys like me doesnt really care about penetration. We feel more lusty and stimulated when our minds are stimulated.

For your bf, he need 70% foreplay/petting compare to 30% of actualy penetration.

The pecentage might vary depend on either party's inferiority complex.

Maybe for you, you want 90% penetration and 10% foreplay.

Try to explore his needs and give rather than always taking.

Singaporean girls are very demanding not in terms of volume, but in terms of self requirement.

[Dark_Traveller]

Sis,

First of all you are really smart enough to come here for sex advise... hee hee... :D. Ok back to business, like you say that you want to stop initiating for sex, right? My advise is 1st, talk to him about things like what does he like to do during sex, what is his fav. position and etc... then tell me how you are feeling or sometime you can also dress lesser, like going to the movie bra-less (of cos must be well cover, if not there is alot of sniper around) and not tell him until the show start... hee hee... if he still got no feeling, then must really see a shrink liao... ;)

At least you guys can fix a day every week or even a short trip once a month to do nothing but make the best love out of each other. I would always bring my girls to resort places as there is no shopping (killer for man) and all we can do is eat, sleep and f^^K... hee hee...

To me, I think maybe he is just a gentlemen grown up in a sex-free house and he doesn't want to mistreat you and also he does know that he is a lucky man with a gf with higher sex drive then him. So I would also suggest to him to open up all samster comment for him to see.

I've given you my thought, so all the best dear. :D

Dark_Traveller

[IwantbustyKim]

Perhaps you are pleasant looking (maybe even hot) but not pornographically acceptable? The porn industry is kind of like the women magazine industry, it creates unneccesary stress/demands on individuals with regards to an act that should be private and shared with 2 parties (or more).

As what the bros here suggested, maybe you can spice it up by having fantasy/roleplay or do what he/she suggested. Since he's so into porn, you should ask him why he is into it? because of the gals or the fantasies enacted out in the videos he's watching? Find out what genre he's into and surprise him.

E.g. if he like gals dressed up as students..don on a student uniform. But yeah...go ahead and make his day! =)

[goodpartner]

if he saw u with other men ..... hw would he response ??

Also, if he is with other men .... hw would he behave ?? ;)

A cynical comment from me, but not out of the world :D
"He" may be watching porn, but maybe just trying to discern "his" sexual orientation and find answers for "him"self - esp if you didn't catch "him" jerking off while watching.

We've all heard stories of how people struggle in such cases, trying to get themselves a partner of opposite gender only to realize that's not what they really really want in life...

What kind of porm "he" has been watching? :rolleyes:

[lonelyboy]

for me is totally opposite from u. everytime i request. everytime got rejected. excuses such as being too tired from work, want to sleep etc always comes up. so much so that it gets so boring. and its very damaging for my self esteem (try getting rejected 10 times in a row)

[alan0338]

SIS, maybe u not doing your job well in many ways, men need to be arouse, not say want to stand then stand and just poke, like that sex also very boring :D

[howck001]

Watching too much pron is really bad .. Practally this make u wet and feel like cum .. May be little water comes
This make make you sex drive slow and ignorance .
2nd thing diet .. If he has enough patrol , ofcourse he will drive longer and powerfully .

Really need some excerise like yoga or jogging ..
The kgal and parayam really help lot and lot .

I advice don't run behind the medicine .. Use natural remedy .

[tigerprawn]

Sis, I know you believe that he loves you and all but maybe the pair of you are just not the most compatible sexually. He may love your character and company but sexually, he may not feel that way strongly for you.

For starters, fact that your bf watches a lot of porn shows that he is a normal horny guy with no adversion to sex. In fact, as some of the other bros pointed out, he probably is masturbating too much. What he needs to do is probably strike a balance between masturbation and real life sex with you.

As we do not really know all the micro details in your relationship (sexual and otherwise) with your bf, there are 1,001 possibilities of what could have gone wrong. We can only speculate and make a wild guess. By the way, how old are you and your bf? I am assuming young. And were you and your bf virgins for each other?

I do not wish to repeat what other bros have already posted so I would just state here one possibility that might have resulted in this. Could it be that during the first or one of your sexual activities with your bf, you might have done something that is a total turn-off for him? This might be anything from bad breath to the way you moan or maybe you like to be the one in-charge and he doesnt like to be dominated or the smell of your pussy or even the shape of your breasts or nipples.... it could be anything. You may think you are presentable and all, but this is an extremely subjective issue where every man has his own turn-offs that could kill his interest. For some it could even be the manner you speak, strange as it may sound. But he is too nice or reserved in character of a guy to tell you verbally and express himself openly what it is about you that turns him off, and at the same time he loves you as a person so does not want to appear superficial and shallow. He is basically trapped. So he turns to the world of porn, where everything (well almost) is perfect, at least for him more perfect than in reality.

So maybe instead of focusing on seducing him and trying to turn him on, take a step back and reflect on whether anything about you or from you might be a killer turn-off for him. And cos this is absolutely subjective, you may need to have a heart-to-heart talk with him to really find out what is wrong.

Good luck!! Last but not least, please know that sometimes, love and sexual attraction can be 2 separate independent things.

[bruceJKD]

try role play like those jap porn. maybe he'll do it with you. but then again, it doesn't matter who initiate sex first. it's the "happiness" at the end of it that counts. (:

[Xgenre]

for us to be able to suggest solutions better, you got to let us know you more. How old are the 2 of you? Besides him, do you have any other previous lovers? beside you, does he have any previous lovers? Please take whatever we type with a pinch of salt.

Firstly, your vagina is losing to his palm. That's very unusual, if you ask the guys here. Most of us are so sick of our palm that we go look for fl, fb... some real sex. His masterbating suggests that he enjoys himself more with his own hand than you. Sister, have you been keeping yourself physically attractive? Not fat or flat in anyway right? How's your foreplay skills? If your skills are good, I can't see why he needs to release sperm himself. If it's skills you are lacking, the kegel exercise and information on the net are all you'll need. the worst thing is when his ex-gf gives him better sex than you and he's choosing his own palm over having sex with you.

Secondly, I suspect both of you are very young. That's why can't have sex at his place and must book hotel in JB. (Hotel81 is cheaper, no? $30 for 2 hours.) The lack of a safe place for sex may be a big issue for him. For masterbating, he just needs the toilet or under his blanket. If both of you are very young, then money to book hotel rooms may be the issue. Or maybe he's just too stingy to spend money to have sex with a girl with a loose pussy and lousy foreplay skills. Try outside sex lar. Exciting. Staircase, parks, disabled toilets, cinemas. If he drives, I can intro you quiet car parks. So quiet and dark but interestingly, got NO cars parked inside. Can you believe Singapore still got such car parks? 5 mins drive away from Geylang somemore.

Thirdly, why rely on him for sexual satisfaction? You can diy, buy a sex toy, find a FB etc if he's not interested in you. I won't recommend a FB though cos you and him seemed fine in everything else. But do think of the long term picture, will you want to marry a guy who doesn't like sex and then you have to initiate sex all your life? You probably won't want to face possible rejections forever too.

[ajlover]

Sis, I know you believe that he loves you and all but maybe the pair of you are just not the most compatible sexually. He may love your character and company but sexually, he may not feel that way strongly for you.

For starters, fact that your bf watches a lot of porn shows that he is a normal horny guy with no adversion to sex. In fact, as some of the other bros pointed out, he probably is masturbating too much. What he needs to do is probably strike a balance between masturbation and real life sex with you.

As we do not really know all the micro details in your relationship (sexual and otherwise) with your bf, there are 1,001 possibilities of what could have gone wrong. We can only speculate and make a wild guess. By the way, how old are you and your bf? I am assuming young. And were you and your bf virgins for each other?

I do not wish to repeat what other bros have already posted so I would just state here one possibility that might have resulted in this. Could it be that during the first or one of your sexual activities with your bf, you might have done something that is a total turn-off for him? This might be anything from bad breath to the way you moan or maybe you like to be the one in-charge and he doesnt like to be dominated or the smell of your pussy or even the shape of your breasts or nipples.... it could be anything. You may think you are presentable and all, but this is an extremely subjective issue where every man has his own turn-offs that could kill his interest. For some it could even be the manner you speak, strange as it may sound. But he is too nice or reserved in character of a guy to tell you verbally and express himself openly what it is about you that turns him off, and at the same time he loves you as a person so does not want to appear superficial and shallow. He is basically trapped. So he turns to the world of porn, where everything (well almost) is perfect, at least for him more perfect than in reality.

So maybe instead of focusing on seducing him and trying to turn him on, take a step back and reflect on whether anything about you or from you might be a killer turn-off for him. And cos this is absolutely subjective, you may need to have a heart-to-heart talk with him to really find out what is wrong.

Good luck!! Last but not least, please know that sometimes, love and sexual attraction can be 2 separate independent things.
bro, i totally agree with you, i was turned off by the white discharge that my gf have, and the smell from the pussy.... makes my cock almost instantly soft!!

Sis, try preparing yourself before you initiate it, like, shave it clean or wax it, wash it clean as well, rinse your mouth with oral B solutions too. Also watch your diet, no galic especially.... also shave ur legs and armpit as well. You might also try watcing porn with him, discuss the porn too (positively, do not make any negative comments as you do not know if he actually gets turn on by it, saying the wrong things will kill it all off...). Once he gets comfortable, he will tell more. Maybe give him a HJ for that session, dun push or rush him into sex. After a few sessions of HJ, move on to BJ for another few sessions (if he likes BJ ). I heard from my FB that her hubby do not like BJ, so not all guys are into it. It might be a little hard on u if u are not satisfied, but u can also use vibrator or finger urself in front of him (if he likes to watch).

Never say 'so fast cum already' or ' so fast u done '... once it hit his ego, he will probably think its better to masturbate ... at least his right hand wont comment he is fast....

Just my 2 cents worth...

[mrshrimp]

i have to reply to this.. i have the exact experience except that in my case i'm the guy.

i have this ex of mine who is actually quite pleasant looking. but after the very first few times in bed with her i realised that she cannot arouse me sexually. she will stroke and blow me, but still i don't feel like having sex with her. she is very willing to please and i cannot explain why. i do love her, we have actually applied for a flat and planning to get married. but we really do have very little sex, we could go 3-4 weeks without it, and that happens just a couple of months into the relationship. whenever she ask i would say that i was tired and other excuses. i can't seems to find her sexually attractive to me.

so how am i going to answer if she ask? same thing your bf is going to say tired and all. but in reality maybe he just don't find you sexually attractive. we don't say it because it really sucks to be unattractive sexually, and we don't want to be hurting our gf's feeling.

guys have the ability to differentiate sex and love, so while he may love you and find that you make a good wife/partner, he still don't feel sexually attracted to you.

eventually we broke up, i have a feeling that this sex issue has a part to play in it even thou she didn't mentioned it. i always feel a little guilty about this, but i can't help it.

I sincerely hope that you are able to work things out with your bf. cheers!

[mrshrimp]

Sis, I know you believe that he loves you and all but maybe the pair of you are just not the most compatible sexually. He may love your character and company but sexually, he may not feel that way strongly for you.

For starters, fact that your bf watches a lot of porn shows that he is a normal horny guy with no adversion to sex. In fact, as some of the other bros pointed out, he probably is masturbating too much. What he needs to do is probably strike a balance between masturbation and real life sex with you.

As we do not really know all the micro details in your relationship (sexual and otherwise) with your bf, there are 1,001 possibilities of what could have gone wrong. We can only speculate and make a wild guess. By the way, how old are you and your bf? I am assuming young. And were you and your bf virgins for each other?

I do not wish to repeat what other bros have already posted so I would just state here one possibility that might have resulted in this. Could it be that during the first or one of your sexual activities with your bf, you might have done something that is a total turn-off for him? This might be anything from bad breath to the way you moan or maybe you like to be the one in-charge and he doesnt like to be dominated or the smell of your pussy or even the shape of your breasts or nipples.... it could be anything. You may think you are presentable and all, but this is an extremely subjective issue where every man has his own turn-offs that could kill his interest. For some it could even be the manner you speak, strange as it may sound. But he is too nice or reserved in character of a guy to tell you verbally and express himself openly what it is about you that turns him off, and at the same time he loves you as a person so does not want to appear superficial and shallow. He is basically trapped. So he turns to the world of porn, where everything (well almost) is perfect, at least for him more perfect than in reality.

So maybe instead of focusing on seducing him and trying to turn him on, take a step back and reflect on whether anything about you or from you might be a killer turn-off for him. And cos this is absolutely subjective, you may need to have a heart-to-heart talk with him to really find out what is wrong.

Good luck!! Last but not least, please know that sometimes, love and sexual attraction can be 2 separate independent things.

i realised that bro tigerprawn here explain it so much better than me the shrimp.. even up till now i can't say for certain what is the killer factor that makes me lose interest in sex with my ex.. but i totally concur with bro tigerprawn..

[TheGreatOne]

Dear sis,

I don't personally know your bf so I don't know why doesn't he.

But I can share what doesn't works for me.

Maybe you can refer to the list and see if you fall under that catergory.

1. Weird, strong fishy pussy smell.
2. Too mechanical (maciam FL, no GFE)
3. Sweaty, sticky body prior to the deed (never shower la)
4. Fake moans
5. Silent mode (totally no moans)
6. Refusing this and that (ie. no bj la, lovebite cannot fingering cannot)
7. Mismatch undies (wrong colour matching or pattern designs)

These are just some that I can currently think of.

[luvpaper]

Dear sis,

I don't personally know your bf so I don't know why doesn't he.

But I can share what doesn't works for me.

Maybe you can refer to the list and see if you fall under that catergory.

1. Weird, strong fishy pussy smell.
2. Too mechanical (maciam FL, no GFE)
3. Sweaty, sticky body prior to the deed (never shower la)
4. Fake moans
5. Silent mode (totally no moans)
6. Refusing this and that (ie. no bj la, lovebite cannot fingering cannot)
7. Mismatch undies (wrong colour matching or pattern designs)

These are just some that I can currently think of.

yup agree with bro thegreatone. Maybe number 7 can inlcude wearing aunties undies.... the rest totally turns me off especially anything that has to do with hygene and boring sex. Might as well buy a inflated doll something :p

[jameskty2000]

cum on mayb u all have give her a good advice..

but mayb that is a constrain in environment n he is not willing to pay hotel or watever..


so five finger is the cheaper way to end it....:rolleyes::D

[Occident]

Maybe you need to do more.

[naturegreen]

I saw many post in sbf, where their wives reject hubby in sex, and hubby finding out why. For me, is the other way round. This problem exists since the day we are tog. I always quarrel with him over this. Bec my bf either like to watch porn and he seldom req from me. I always ask him is it he is no longer interested in me..

But he always denied. Not that he doesnt req from me. But very seldom. He can go without for like 2-3 weeks? Im quite sure he doesnt eat out. If he is low sex drive, y he watches porn? Is it bec of low esteem?


Some guys, I mean some guys and not the majority has already DIY so much that they have already fallen in love with their own momentum and touch that even the next most gorgeous woman is unable to come and match their own wonderful motion shaking skills. I understand it gets more and more frustrating for you each time to be the one who has to initiate all the time. Do try to talk it out. ;)
Do take note of TheGreatOne's points as well.

[meloncholy1982]

I seldom post but I feel you so here I am to say something. I have had a period (1 year) of not having a gf, and during that time I became quite addicted to porn and masturbation. End up become a habit, every night before sleep sure wank off one.

Then when I have gf liao, I still kept this habit. I realised over time that some days I no mood to bonk her, some days I have. Then slowly I cut down to 2 main points.

1. Not enough sleep
2. Masturbated too many days before

When I stop wanking off for say a week, and get plenty of sleep. I will become super horny and will wanna bonk her like mad.

When I masturbate every night and play too much game sleep too late, I will have no mood to bonk her even if she acting sexy trying to turn me on.

Now I still have the urge to wanna watch porn and wank off before I sleep every night. But when I think about the awesome time I'll have if I don't, I will quickly just go sleep.


My advice is to try this. Plant the idea into his head that he is going to have an awesome time if he put in just a small effort.

Tell him "For this week I want you to not watch any porn and not masturbate. And at the end of the week I will give you the best blowjob you ever had."

If he watch porn a lot one this imagery he sure have. And I hope he will be damn gian and follow instructions. I wish you all the best.

[maxman]

Hi, this is my first post in sammyboy.

I saw many post in sbf, where their wives reject hubby in sex, and hubby finding out why. For me, is the other way round. This problem exists since the day we are tog. I always quarrel with him over this. Bec my bf either like to watch porn and he seldom req from me. I always ask him is it he is no longer interested in me..

fyi, i think im pleasant enough, in terms of looks and figure.

But he always denied. Not that he doesnt req from me. But very seldom. He can go without for like 2-3 weeks? Im quite sure he doesnt eat out. If he is low sex drive, y he watches porn? Is it bec of low esteem?

I cnt go to his house bec of his parents. But i keep on thinking of ways. Such as looking for budget hotels in jb. He just need to book it. But he is lazy and take so long to book.

He may sound like bad guy to ur. But he is not. He loves me, and take good care of me.

I need advice from guys is it bec of other reasons tht i dont know.
I do not welcome comments such as " he doesnt love u, he have someone outside".. Bec i know these are not the reason.

He may get to see this post. But i dont care.

I need genuine advice. Thks!

I'm about to explain a possibility that may be bitter music to some guys here, but it has some truth. My apologies.

A prolonged period of masturbation due to the lack of a girlfriend/wife/lover to have sex with, and more specifically make love to, especially beginning from a young age, can eventually groom a man to become disinterested and inept in the courtship and seduction of a woman, and giving her foreplay and sex. While experts say that masturbation helps a person explore his/her body, doing it for a long period causes the man to become selfish in the sense that he only wants to feel the pleasure.

In a similar way, watching a lot of porn for a long time, and frequent visits to brothels to be serviced by prostitutes, also sways a man into believing that women are only intended to serve men's sexual needs. This could be the reason why many men can bonk many and long but yet many women didn't get orgasms. The men they had were selfish because they only wanted to be served and pleasured, and may not have made enough effort to warm-up the women.

Your boyfriend's apparent disinterest in having sex with you and preferring pornography is likely to suggest that he has grown very comfortable pleasing himself with his hands. It also hints that he must have spent a considerable amount of time watching porn before he found a love life with you, and a lucky love life indeed since you are so willing to have sex. Remember the saying "get lucky". It is true that men getting sex for free is pretty much a case of "getting lucky".

I think you could find out what kind/genre of porn he likes, and suggests that you both act it out in the bedroom. Get him to do the real thing. For a start, don't force him to do long foreplay, but cut it short to let him enjoy it. Slowly wane away his interest in the porn websites.

[Gerald Tan]

Wow Sister ...
Now, you have LOTS of advice, and have tried some of them...
I have ONE FiNAl advice..if all above don't work,...pls dun be disheartened.
U can have LOTS of US here to make your DAY..pm me or anyone Bros here...gd luck!

[Dark_Traveller]

Wow Sister ...
Now, you have LOTS of advice, and have tried some of them...
I have ONE FiNAl advice..if all above don't work,...pls dun be disheartened.
U can have LOTS of US here to make your DAY..pm me or anyone Bros here...gd luck!

:eek:Bro Gerald,

That is fast thinking man... Ya sister, take your time with your bf... we all are ready to 3 Ps all the ladies who needed us... btw, 3 Ps = Please, Pleasure and last Ps.... is for all bros to fill it up....:D

Cheers...
Dark_Traveller

[Rickey]

Tis thread reminds me oso of sis cherryblossom who is facing a similar problem. Believe it would be a great help to her if she reads tis too. But sadly, she is nowhere to be found in SBF. Wish her all the best .:)

Like to thank all bros here for trying their best to help TS sis pinkypants & sis cherry with ideas and solutions to solve tis very difficult problem wif their man . :) Really hope at least 1 of them will work to help overcome the problem they are facing with their guy.

It is regretable tat their man do not realise tat they hav such good Gf/wifey who are so willing n ready to initiate sex whilst on the other hand so many of us bros here are trying so hard to arouse our wifey for sex n are rejected :(
But thankfully, the 2 men are the minority...most of us here bros are pretty horny...;)

[Pinkypant]

Hi all, really thks for the advices. I will look into it.

In the beginning , when i asked him why he can go without sex for like few weeks and yet watches porn. The first reason he say is bec i never initiate, after i tried to initiate, he say bec his house not really convenient, then he start saying i should try to seduce him.. But after all of these reasons, i soon know is act not me. Is him.

He keep feeling that he under-performed. Just bec of things like, "i want more", "isnt enough", discourages him. I thought this would actually excite a man, but turn out to be not true.

Looks like i have to keep quiet even if i wanted more. He say he cannot foreplay for too long bec if we foreplay for too long, he will feel the urge is gone, And he will not want it anymore. I used to stress him on this, like i need more foreplay. At first i tot he dont do much is bec he is lazy.

I told him i like man to be hungry in bed. But he is not really those. I told him if you dont foreplay me much, and we go striaght into sex, its natural that i will want the process to be longer, if not i wouldnt be able to feel high.

I dunno, i guess i just have to compromise. If i asked for too much, he will feel stress again. In the end i will get nothing. At least i dont ask for too much, he wont feel stress, he will have this psycological barrier...Maybe i just cant lump all guys under the same category...=)

[goodpartner]

Basically, sexual incompatibility - that's Y.

Like it or not, this is a HUGE factor in building/sustaining a satisfactory and long-lasting relationship.

So either u try to change him given the suggestions here, or it that fails, time to look for a goodpartner :D

[freezetheDB]

at the end of the day, know who will be the one who will stay and look after you when you are sick, when you are old, and everything becomes clear.

sex is a 2 way process, slowly work things out

[Blackhand]

...
I dunno, i guess i just have to compromise. If i asked for too much, he will feel stress again. In the end i will get nothing. At least i dont ask for too much, he wont feel stress, he will have this psycological barrier...Maybe i just cant lump all guys under the same category...=)

IMHO, its a lost cause.
Sure, they say sex is not everything, but it is the most important contribution to keep the passion running. Married couples who have the same problem stay on because of commitment, children, etc. Instead of dragging this through before going too deep into the relationship, I recommend end it in good grace.

The funny thing is, I can almost foreseea spike in his interest for you again if you initiate FB after break-up. Most men only treasure what they cannot have. Just make sure you do not get into relationship with him again if this really happens.

Good luck~!

[Gerald Tan]

Hi Sister Pinkypant
Pls take your time...to enjoy with your BF yeah... however, you are just satisfying him..how about your urge ? well, then...our offer to you still stand.. forever Stand Up For S'ingapore...help all your fellow man, especailly your sis in need..haha, best rgds!

[Ja5min3]

Sigh... looks like guys are getting lazy into giving girls just a bit more foreplay.
Dont they understand that it is the foreplay, light kisses and contact that will make a girl want him more...

Just lying there and demand for bj and then sex is just not enough for a girl to feel high.

[peekaboo]

hi, i give simple suggestion tat you can work on it. try dolling yourself and wear sexy clothing n c how he response. from there work towards to arouse him so that he got at least some interest in u. make him think that he would want to bed u. if a man cannot bring himself to bed u. it could be other issue already. hope this helps. get urself a sex toy for him to play on u instead.

[rav_taz]

Maybe its the way that you say "I want more" or "is not enough"...
Try other means of saying those stuffs you know like "I just love the way you do me, get me more or do me harder" etc, might help boast his morale n ego...

[Dark_Traveller]

Sister,

I dun know how to tell you this but there might be a way to see where r you standing in his heart... 1st, start talking to other guys... when talking them try to sound that you are arranging something with them or say something "sure we shall try that next time". Next, act like you are doing something behind his back... but of cause just leaving him alone and when he calls... try to hold up his call and sound panting... hope after a while he will relight the fire for you again... lastly, make up excuse to go out with your friends and not going to his house... I mean if you must go, then go just do the normal stuffs and leave the next day... sex or no sex stop giving in to him... I felt that if he need it then he will have to work for it... right?

Jealousy always help a guy to notice how important this lady is to him... If he don't feel it? it's fine move on, dun give out a tree for the forest. I believe all bros will agree with me that we must never mistreat a lady who love her bf like yourself...

PM me if you need any other advise...

Cheers...

[shutupyou]

Hi Sis,

This is the 1st time I posting my comment just for you. I would like to highlight some questions as follow;

1) What is your religious and his?
2) Do you what turn him on? maybe you should check out those porn that he is watching that may tell you his desire. (but be prepare if he want to try 3some :P)
3) A man sex performance can be greatly increase if he eats about 10 raw garlic, improving blood circulation will boost man sex performance and also replace virga for older man. Google it. http://www.home-remedies-for-you.com/remedy/Sexual-Impotence.html
4) Maybe you should try to wear sexy lingerie/nightwear and masturbating infront of him, or "secretly" masturbate beside him but moan slowly to "invite" him. The reason -> Man are mostly visualist.

Hope that may help you for exploring further.

regards :)

[Astroboy77]

Oh man... TS situation is similar to what i am facing now...:(

Anyway a small piece of advice to TS, your bf might be in extreme stress level as he is afraid he will not be able to make you satisfy and happy during love making session. Moreover he himself might be those easily cum type therefore creating further stress level that he need to last longer in order for you to cum first before he do!

So end up he face a situation where he doesn't really enjoy sex with you and rather get himself satisfy by pcc with porn video..

Although it good tat u have trash out with him, but u still need to give both of u lots of time to overcome this problems.

My strong suggestion is to take a holidays together and hope it will spark ur sex life up... :)

[Pinkypant]

hi, i give simple suggestion tat you can work on it. try dolling yourself and wear sexy clothing n c how he response. from there work towards to arouse him so that he got at least some interest in u. make him think that he would want to bed u. if a man cannot bring himself to bed u. it could be other issue already. hope this helps. get urself a sex toy for him to play on u instead.

Haha.. i think i have done all these. Infact i love to wear sexy clothings. He always ask me to cover up. I say theses clothes tht i bought does not look like revealing when i first see them. I dont know why when its on me, it look this way. Perhaps i have sufficient good asset. Im not being proud or wht, just want to tell you.. Its definately not bec im not sexy or lack of sex appeal. I think i have all these.. Thts y i feel even more sad. I dont think any one of you can understand ...=)

[Pinkypant]

Sigh... looks like guys are getting lazy into giving girls just a bit more foreplay.
Dont they understand that it is the foreplay, light kisses and contact that will make a girl want him more...

Just lying there and demand for bj and then sex is just not enough for a girl to feel high.

Exactly, bingo!! You feel me hur..

[Pinkypant]

Maybe its the way that you say "I want more" or "is not enough"...
Try other means of saying those stuffs you know like "I just love the way you do me, get me more or do me harder" etc, might help boast his morale n ego...

I do say things like, nice, "suang", i like it.. stuff like tht.. but you know la, after he is done, he will wanna stop le.. I want him to continue bec not enuff, so i will have to say like "i want more", "not enuff".. haiz...

[Pinkypant]

Oh man... TS situation is similar to what i am facing now...:(

Anyway a small piece of advice to TS, your bf might be in extreme stress level as he is afraid he will not be able to make you satisfy and happy during love making session. Moreover he himself might be those easily cum type therefore creating further stress level that he need to last longer in order for you to cum first before he do!

So end up he face a situation where he doesn't really enjoy sex with you and rather get himself satisfy by pcc with porn video..

Although it good tat u have trash out with him, but u still need to give both of u lots of time to overcome this problems.

My strong suggestion is to take a holidays together and hope it will spark ur sex life up... :)

You mean you have the same situation as him? So what must your gf do to not let u feel so stress? Seriously, i rather im not having enuff i also want him to feel satisfied. Bec he will feel very "pek chek" if he dont cum. For me i still enjoy the process even if i dont cum. So i feel rather alright. But i think guys quite diff. They must let go to throughly enjoy it. Girls dont really need.

I just want to maintain a healthy sex life, be it very satisfing or not. Bec without sex, i cannot feel being loved. And i will think alot.. Once i think alot, i will feel betrayed. My love for him will be lessen. It will continue to drag us apart. Alot of things will happen.

So i hope he can faster build up his confident and not think too much. We will be a happy couple. And i will give him unconscious love.

[Pinkypant]

for me is totally opposite from u. everytime i request. everytime got rejected. excuses such as being too tired from work, want to sleep etc always comes up. so much so that it gets so boring. and its very damaging for my self esteem (try getting rejected 10 times in a row)

How i wish the is as hungry as you. 50% is enuff..

[baoroy]

For myself, I think dressing play an important part... I mean wearing sexy for sleep with him around and wear sexy cloth when going out... make him bio you for the whole day then you might get Wat you want... imperfect sex or easy to get sex is a turn off for me... those I dun give you type is Wat make me wanting for more.

[Xgenre]

Your bf sounds like someone with a fragile ego. Someone who gets hurt by words easily. Or maybe the age gap between the two of you are quite big so he's worried he can't keep up with you sexually. Instead of asking him 'why like this and why like that' (which pressures him more), why not try to pretend to be very impressed by his love-making? If he can see himself as a decent lover, he may want more sex.

So half-way through sex, you go 'Wow, how come today so strong and hard?' Oh... niceee..... Etc. Stroke the ego, harden the cock.

[Label]

Maybe he's just not ready to get into a shotgun marriage...

[Ja5min3]

Do guys sex drive get lesser when they get older?

Girls are shy and we also get tired from trying.

[hoA123]

@jasmine: libido is different from person to person.
in general, around 30 will peak. but a lot of bros here can prove otherwise. :P

@pinkpant: stress is a huge factor here i guess. too much sexual frustration. he dun work enough, you want more, he feel stressed.
all these aside; maybe it's the timing too? for me, i generally feel more like doing it in the middle of the night or early morning. most girls dun like. coz they are woken up from their sleep; and/or they feel that they have bad breath; and/or, will suddenly feel like peeing (coz wake up in the middle of the night)

[Ace Dragon]

Do guys sex drive get lesser when they get older?

Girls are shy and we also get tired from trying.

well look at the number of older folks at H81 and stories of old man getting con of their money....think that answers your question. Even old men want viagara...

[maxman]

Hi all, really thks for the advices. I will look into it.

In the beginning , when i asked him why he can go without sex for like few weeks and yet watches porn. The first reason he say is bec i never initiate, after i tried to initiate, he say bec his house not really convenient, then he start saying i should try to seduce him.. But after all of these reasons, i soon know is act not me. Is him.

He keep feeling that he under-performed. Just bec of things like, "i want more", "isnt enough", discourages him. I thought this would actually excite a man, but turn out to be not true.

Looks like i have to keep quiet even if i wanted more. He say he cannot foreplay for too long bec if we foreplay for too long, he will feel the urge is gone, And he will not want it anymore. I used to stress him on this, like i need more foreplay. At first i tot he dont do much is bec he is lazy.

I told him i like man to be hungry in bed. But he is not really those. I told him if you dont foreplay me much, and we go striaght into sex, its natural that i will want the process to be longer, if not i wouldnt be able to feel high.

I dunno, i guess i just have to compromise. If i asked for too much, he will feel stress again. In the end i will get nothing. At least i dont ask for too much, he wont feel stress, he will have this psycological barrier...Maybe i just cant lump all guys under the same category...=)

I can relate to your scenario/circumstance because I sometimes face this problem with my girl, and we must compromise, sometimes having disagreement/debate.

I will be openly and daringly honest about this matter.

Thanks to popular women's magazines like Cleo, Cosmopolitan, and maybe even TV shows like Sex And The City, etc, women have become more sexually liberated and sexually experienced of how their orgasms feel, and how much and how long their orgasms they can feel. Women whom I have managed to sexually satisfy (after a lengthy duration of foreplay and sex) have described their orgasms to me (how they feel, what they see in their eyes/minds as in a delirious state), and I'm convinced they feel it much much much much much much better than men. The most probable problem is, most women have not felt powerful orgasms that "shake their own world".

Such a liberated/experienced woman wants a long foreplay to reach very high levels of arousal and multiple orgasms, but like your boyfriend, the long duration of time spent sometimes becomes tiring and boring, and eventually the man can lose his interest and erection. Yawn! I know this because I experience it.

I would say that you bloody well know how enjoyable your orgasms can feel and that's why you initiate sex to get it. For this reason, he is very fortunate to have you wanting dick!!! There are many girlfriends/wives who aren't too enthusiastic about wanting dick, and hence their men stray to prostitutes!!! Bear in mind, most prostitutes don't necessarily or definitely want dick, but actually provide sex for money. They provide a service to fulfill a man's needs, nothing more.

As I have explained earlier in this thread, many men have gotten their minds stuck in front of a porn website and wanking off. The subliminal message in porn is always about women pleasing men, and making him squirt on her face, breasts, and into every orifice of hers. That's porn... in the sexist and chauvinistic tune that all men love to watch and perform. I do too. Many other men do too. However, if done in real life among real couples, such as you, it probably leaves the woman unsatisfied to the man who is unaware or uneducated about a woman's ability to have her world "shaken" in super duper strong multiple orgasms as the women described to me.

She sees the "room spins" and "flashing bright lights". Sounds crazy I know, but if that's what I have been told several times by a few women, then I think we men aren't having it as fantastic.

Get your boyfriend off porn before it gets worse for you.

My own suggestion, which I'm doing now with my girl, is that you stimulate him too while he is doing foreplay to you. Stroke him while he fondles/plays with your bits. Occasionally suck him up (his dick) and keep him up as long as you can. If it is up, your man is "battle-ready" (not literally) and he is primed to want penetration.

No offence to other members here, I would say not to worry excessively over things like:
[1] your appearance, whether you maintained your figure
[2] your seduction techniques, whether you wear sexy lingerie
[3] your possibly smelly pussy (as someone mentioned)

The above reasons are attempts to pushing the blame towards women. Clearly in your situation, it is not your fault. You want it, but he doesn't want to do the hard work. (To roast a chicken takes time since the oven needs to get warmed up to hot.) He prefers visual stimulation of porn and the use of his beloved palm. It is much easier, and that is clearly it. Many men have this problem, and so do I sometimes.

Hence earlier in this thread, I said to wane him off the porn.

You could offer to enact some of his favourite porn scenes but try to lengthen it so that you get higher levels of arousal and more orgasms. However, you have to keep him up. You would have to suck him several times. Keep him wanting to penetrate you.

[maxman]

So half-way through sex, you go 'Wow, how come today so strong and hard?' Oh... niceee..... Etc. Stroke the ego, harden the cock.

To the thread starter, I think this is also a fantastic idea. Work up his ego, suck up his dick. This is something experienced or clever prostitutes do, and they enjoy repeat custom.

[maxman]

Do guys sex drive get lesser when they get older?


Yes, the male sex drive decreases with age, but very slowly. This is why you read the news of retired old men going to brothels. Unlike women who experience menopause (the cessation/stopping of menses which marks the end of their reproductive life), men still produce sperm into their grandpa age and can still reproduce offspring (but maybe with defects due to low quality sperm).

[TheGreatOne]

TS, last piece of advice for you.

Either change his ways or simply change bf.

Dun waste time liao.

[HornyFarkers]

TS, last piece of advice for you.

Either change his ways or simply change bf.

Dun waste time liao.

i agree~but due to love, it had a different of thinking~

[starystarynite]

i am like your BF...before married...i am having sex like every 2-3 times per week and each time may be double...

after married, now i just had it once every month or so...dunno why...dun enjoy as much as last time. i rather watch porn for simulation and use my Mr. five....

i enjoy this better...or occasionally someone else (FL) that can give me the extra sensations or mind blowing experience...

like many brother said, may be is due to mind simulation and nature of men that prefers "fresh and new"...

For your bf, i think if he likes porn, mean his sex drive is there...and he still wants it. just need you to stimulate him from all different mathod :)...be as slutty as can be! haha! or may be watch porn together....have somecouples do it in front and you and bf watch....i think many things can be done to rekindle that feelll..just that need both sides to cooperate!

[Dark_Traveller]

Sister,

guess we are all hoping that things will be at the best situation as it can be but come to think of it... like you say that you are Sexy, good figure, open to sex and etc... But the biggest problem is your men... too tired, loss of drive and age... I think there isn't really alot of things we can do here as if you have already done all you can to get him hard for you, but in the end you are the one still not having enough.

Since lossing him is not a easy way for you and not able to make him understand your needs by words, just let your action do the talking...

Take Care...

[Astroboy77]

You mean you have the same situation as him? So what must your gf do to not let u feel so stress? Seriously, i rather im not having enuff i also want him to feel satisfied. Bec he will feel very "pek chek" if he dont cum. For me i still enjoy the process even if i dont cum. So i feel rather alright. But i think guys quite diff. They must let go to throughly enjoy it. Girls dont really need.

I just want to maintain a healthy sex life, be it very satisfing or not. Bec without sex, i cannot feel being loved. And i will think alot.. Once i think alot, i will feel betrayed. My love for him will be lessen. It will continue to drag us apart. Alot of things will happen.

So i hope he can faster build up his confident and not think too much. We will be a happy couple. And i will give him unconscious love.


Anyway i personally feel is that u shld try to be more kinky and sometime suggest/explore to try various way of making love to him (such as doing in car, cinema, or...) if possible, try to find out wat scene or dressing or etc from him tat will make him get excited.

This might help to increase or built up his confident and get him to enjoy...

For me, i tried to hint my wife to explore or try others ways to spice up our sex life.. but she too conservative to explore... :(

[ilovesingapore]

sis, u are so fortunate to have so many ppl to help u out.

ur bf should oso feel fortunate that his gf enjoy sex.

he may feel inferior or too stressed out. help him out instead of rushing/pressurizing him.

<i dunno if my suggestion is repetitive.>

[Steadyman1]

Infact i love to wear sexy clothings. He always ask me to cover up. I say theses clothes tht i bought does not look like revealing when i first see them. I dont know why when its on me, it look this way. Perhaps i have sufficient good asset. Im not being proud or wht, just want to tell you.. Its definately not bec im not sexy or lack of sex appeal. I think i have all these.. Thts y i feel even more sad. I dont think any one of you can understand ...=)

He is just being protective to you and can see he is quite conservative from here. As what bro Xgenre has suggested, you should bring his ego high and not damn it.

From what you have said, it seems that you might not know what he wants. Some might like HJ more, some might like BJJJ more. So you really need to know what he loves and from there you will rekindle his ego. That will make the whole session more enjoyable and maybe last longer. Btw, BJJJ have few techniques like popping, tongue + rotating twist... so and so on. So you have to find out what he wants in order to get what you want. ;)

[Pinkypant]

Anyway i personally feel is that u shld try to be more kinky and sometime suggest/explore to try various way of making love to him (such as doing in car, cinema, or...) if possible, try to find out wat scene or dressing or etc from him tat will make him get excited.

This might help to increase or built up his confident and get him to enjoy...

For me, i tried to hint my wife to explore or try others ways to spice up our sex life.. but she too conservative to explore... :(

He dont like this kinda kinky thing one. He prefer a bed with a door. But we dont have place to do. Cnt always chk in hotel cux its ex. Jb is cheaper, but cnt always go too. Got work to do...

Im always the one feel bothered by this, think of ways to improve. But he just keep on avoiding. N say i shd do this, i shd do tht. But seriously, i need him to do something too.. I feel tired even tinking bt it.. totally no mood..

[bigtaukay]

Hi sis , I hope what I'd be typing might be of a little help :rolleyes:

Firstly , you might want to get more details of what your man's fetish is . I believe every man has their own fetish and wouldn't be showing it to others especially to their loved ones . It might be school uniform as what other bros have mentioned or it might be short skirt. Personally , it's not really important that who initiates what but its the intercourse and what happens during foreplay that matters . ;)

Lastly , I believe a heart to heart talk might help out in the situation . Sometimes , guys are even more strange when it comes to things that concerns their pride and ego .

Regards !

[Astroboy77]

He dont like this kinda kinky thing one. He prefer a bed with a door. But we dont have place to do. Cnt always chk in hotel cux its ex. Jb is cheaper, but cnt always go too. Got work to do...

Im always the one feel bothered by this, think of ways to improve. But he just keep on avoiding. N say i shd do this, i shd do tht. But seriously, i need him to do something too.. I feel tired even tinking bt it.. totally no mood..

well.. as some of the bros here mentioned, u have to make the first step to get wat is ur bf fetish, wat excite him etc... there no easy road to this...u have to be real patient and it will take some times ... therefore it will depend on how strong n endurance are you!

I suggest give urself a time frame. if by end of this year or wat.. if he still not making any improve or changes even thought u put ur best effort/hint/energy to do it.. guess it about time u move on.. you have done ur part.. you deserve a better guy...

You are not married yet so u still got a chance to move on to find another one... for me haiz... i got no chance anymore... :(